Motherhood as the ultimate lifegoal – and why I disagree.

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17. February 2017 by swissfitchick

It took me several attempts to write an intro to this post; intros are – as we know by now – by far my favorite part of every blogpost. Dripping sarcasm here and besides that; I might be slightly gifted with words and articulation, yet I feel averse to the first couple of sentences of an article. So I decided it to be overrated and not to formulate it. In fact, in my overarticulated, exceedingly verbal life, I enjoy the few instances where it’s perfectly appropriate to shut up. I hope you can fly with this decision.

Let’s play without an intro.

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Blue Sky Day, Benajarafe, Andalusia Spain, November 2016

I stopped counting the amounts of time I got asked about the status of my family planning. Much to the dismay of the enquirer, I negated the question if I ever want to have children, which was followed by an affected face and a pitiful look by him/her. ‘Never say never!’ Insert rolling eyes here. 

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Morning Glory snow style. Flims, Swiss Alps, February 2017

I work in a home where teenager and children live who haven’t been raised in an ordinary house or an ordinary family setting. Clearly, I am a big fan of the youth and I wouldn’t want to be working anywhere else than there and with them. ‘You’d be such a great Mom’. Maybe, but on a more profound note, I have come to find it could be tricky if I had the responsibility of a Mom. I may be trusted around teenagers and animals which doesn’t mean I would be an equally good mother to my own children, actually I smell scandalous incidents if I ever had to handle two or – god forbid – three tiny humans. I’m hyperactive, selfish, loud and I like to speak with a litany of name-calling profanities. I have incredibly childish retorts to almost every predicament or argument and I live the adventure of life spontaneoulsy, meaning I have no plan whatsoever apart from my working schedule.

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Monday morning vibes. Flumserbergen, Swiss Alps, February 2017

This short video of Mirandas sarcasm sums up my life – please pay close attention to the scene at 2:37. That’s why motherhood isn’t for me. I can’t possibly spend my life trying not to accidentally kill my kid.

And while I am well aware of the fact that I don’t necessarily need a husband or a boyfriend to raise a child, I decided to not have children. I’m almost certain that my body won’t feel insulted if I skip its capacity to carry out a baby and just use it for sexually pleasurable moments. Seems legit to me. I like men. I flirt with them, I love to spend time with them and I might fall in love with one of them someday. I like sex and I do it on a regular basis, albeit not to grow a tiny human in my body; more so for pleasure and to keep my hormone balance in check. I am not looking for a father of my children though.

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Vagabonda on tour. Hamburg, Germany, December 2017

I am surrounded by children and babies, 90% of my friends are parents or planning to be. Yet, I have never been desperate to be a Mom, I have never experienced this imploring wish to have a child on my own. I see and hear how unique this love is and what it means to be a mother – however, I am still not intrigued and I prefer my life as a non-parent. Even if that means that people think I must feel incomplete, unhappy, a failure and don’t know what the heck to do with myself for the rest of my life.

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The colorful side of life. Berlin Germany, January 2017

And maybe, one day I will be sad that I didn’t experience the wonder of childbirth and that I will never get visits from my grandchildren. Who knows. However – at work, I am surrounded by kids whose parents reproducted ‘accidentally’; or ‘because they were young and it was romantic’; out of selfishness; out of a mood. In any case, they didn’t make it to keep up the responsibility for their decision back then and these kids experience negligence at its worst. That’s exactly why I love to be there and trying to make their world a better place and why I thought about this motherhood subject more than once. Children are a lifetime project – I feel too many people like to ignore this rather important fact.

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Oh yes, I’m a great pretender. Sunflowerfield, Cleveland, September 2016

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Family life 2017. Berlin Germany, January 2017

For now and the next couple of years, I perpetuate the perception that I am better off without kids. I prefer to be able to work full-time and to do whatever the fuck I please anytime and anywhere. When I look at my teenagers, my heart melts, but I am far from wishing to start at the very beginning of raising them. I love my life exactly the way it is – fullfilled with friends and shenanigans, hobbies and traveling – which – side note – allows me to travel as compact as a snail without kids. Even if I carry 40kg of luggage with me, but one trains for a reason, right? I am looking for love, not for marriage. I am looking for love, not for reproduction. I feel complete, exactly the way I am.

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Traveling sohisticated. Berin Germany, January 2017

And while I am writing this and sorting out my thoughts about this subject, it leads me to wonder: Is motherhood the ultimate lifegoal? And if not, are we, non parents, to be expected to explain, why we decide differently? In a world, where people strive for independence, freedom and self-determination – why does a childless life still get the smug face? Is dying without issue a reason to be depressed? What is more selfish, to reproduce ourselves or to live our life without caring for reproduction?

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Leave your marks. Berlin Germany, January 2017

Whatever you do, decide knowingly, conciously and stay aware – without judging what your fellow people around you do.

xxx,

Luce

 

 

5 thoughts on “Motherhood as the ultimate lifegoal – and why I disagree.

  1. Sarah says:

    Once again, thank you! I’m fine without kids. I like them but I never had the urge to be pregnant and have a baby. Like you, I hear so often that I will change my mind/regret it/die alone (well thanks for this one!!). Don’t you think it’s mostly child free women that get asked those questions, whereas men don’t?

  2. I think your attitude is lovely and oh-so responsible. A lot of people rush to have kids because that’s just the next step they’re supposed to take. Then they regret it. This reminds me of my Confessions post so much. And then… well… never say never. Though that remains to be seen for me. 😉

    I do disagree with you on the last bit though. I actually think we’ve moved past motherhood being a life goal. Maybe it’s just the people I surround myself with, but even those that have babies have so many career/travel/athletic goals that reach far beyond their kids. I hope that continues!

  3. Amen! I cannot agree with you more. I love kids, too. I just don’t want any, nor do I feel like I HAVE to have them.

  4. Such a good post Luce and its a subject that it close to my heart too. David and I have been married for almost 8 years now and we are both at a point where we just don’t see kids in our future. I never say never but honestly I think if we did we would go down the adoption route rather than give birth to our own. Our family has stopped asking as they know our feelings on the subject but strangers still feel the need to comment all the time… I have many life goals but motherhood… Well it just ain’t on the list for me!

  5. I don’t think we need to reproduce to have purpose. In fact, I believe we should only do that provided we want to and can afford to emotionally and mentally raise a child.

    That being said, I think you look good with a stroller which is why you can borrow my baby anytime. Try not to kill her though. 🙂

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