5. November 2016 by swissfitchick
Much to my dismay, I`m not perfect. Shocking news I know, but I myself have had ample occasions to recognize this in the past 38.5 years than I would ever care to admit. Now today, I took the elusive decision to let you all in on the secrets of my flaws and imperfections, which – while growing older and wiser – I`m starting to embrace and own.
Let’s play – scratch that. This is serious stuff.
1.) I usually want to have my cake and eat it too. Who doesn`t! Despite being taught by the Rolling Stones ‘You can’t always get what you want’ – I’ve been blissfully ignoring this wisdom for years and going for all or nothing. I mean – how can you NOT eat the cake when you have it – I`ve always aimed to go all the way to get all that I want. Sort of like a pubescent 13 year old.
2.) There`s not even a hint of structure in my closet. I may have shelfs with only shirts or only underwear or only pants – heaped in mountains of course. I`ve made several active attempts to improve the order of (and count) my clothes – yet my inner rebel has always prevailed and I ended up throwing the fresh laundry in the vague direction of the closet while sending a prayer that I will find it again when I need it. So far it`s worked. I also haven’t bought jeans in about two months after realizing that I might have an inappropriate relationship to them and need some Levi rehab. It’s a tough station. Very tough.
3.) My teen kids keep telling me that I look cool and casual, though I got to admit, that I`m very careful and strict about how I look. I may not care what anyone thinks about my appearance as in body, clothes, hair, jewellery, my tattoos etc., which is true – I don’t give a damn. However, I happen to be slightly vain and my daily look is carefully chosen and taken care of. Yes, I feel very comfortable with myself but – lo and behold – even I have moments when I stand in changing rooms under the glaze of ghastly peering lights and frown, resulting in bouts of smothering uncertainty at not liking what I see. This lasts from 10 minutes to a day until I give myself a jolt, shake off the dust – or the insidious voice of doubt – and remember how fabulous and lucky I am and walk away.
4.) I`m a confident, funny, strong and cheerful human being, I love life with a passion and I love what I do. I shape my lifestyle exactly the way I want and enjoy it and I am grateful for all the freedom and options life offers. Hence, I feel lonely sometimes. Ironically, I want to stay by myself, because I have a massive effin` problem with trust. Not to my closest friends of course – they mean the world, life and everything to me, but – in the end, I trust myself only and as long as I know I rely on myself only, I feel fine. I have a problem giving anyone my full trust, commitment and heart – I`ve had too many failures with such situations and am not even going there anymore. It`s kinda sad as I`ve always believed in love – albeit, today I only let casual and occasional entourages into my life without any serious meaning behind it. This makes me sad and melancholic at times – most of the time I prefer the safety of being by myself and blank out the longing for closeness and togetherness. Doesn`t float everybody`s boat of course, but it works fine and dandy for me.
5.) My general education is below par. Learning things in theory has never been my forte and even today, discussions around general educational stuff don`t feature among my shining moments. I may perform very well in social skills, writing, languages, music and I am improving in photography … plus I`m very disciplined when it comes to training and my health – still, I learn by doing, not by reading or listening. I simply can’t save that stuff in my blonde brain and whatever these adults at school taught me while I sat there daydreaming or crafting the next joint for the break under my table – I`ve forgotten. I must admit that I always feel a little reserved when my teens start to ask me questions about politics and whatnot. These are the moments when, all of a sudden, I have a plethora of subjects to change, things to do or the pressing urge to make important phone calls.
Flaws and rough edges are part of us and make us the unique people we are. They may fade, reappear or change – but we all have flaws and will always have them. It’s a good thing and nothing we have to beat ourselves up for. Embrace them, own them, be proud of them. While fighting them is the best recipe for disaster, celebrating what you can’t change is the recipe for happiness.