What it’s like to be out of line.

13

2. October 2016 by swissfitchick

I had a patch on my right eye when I was a kid.

lUCIE

I was more than convinced that I am the coolest kid on Earth. Obviously.

Confident, it would seem. Shockingly enough, I was a shy kid – it’s ok if you cock your eyebrow now, but it’s true – until the moment when I started to feel comfortable mingling around people I knew; all of a sudden I turned into that loud, bubbly and hyperactive brat. Hence, I still am.

So, today. About 33 years have passed since that picture with the unfortunate patch on my right eye above. The patch is gone, my nature always remained the same – minus the shyness.

Chasing images. Art Campus Kettenreaktion, August 2016

Chasing images. Art Campus Kettenreaktion, August 2016

I am surrounded by beautiful friends and great people, which of the majority is married or at least in a relationship. Pretty much all of them have kids, some of them a house. A lot of them work in an office and do sports occasionally. They go for Sunday walks and have dinner with the family on that same day. My friends are happy people. And because of that, I am happy too.

Mission Beach, San Diego, CA, January 2016

Mission Beach, San Diego, CA, January 2016

Baby Selfie: Little Ave and I. Cleveland Ohio, September 2016

Baby Selfie: Little Ave and I. Cleveland Ohio, September 2016

I’m different though. I don’t feel wrong like that, nor do I feel others are wrong in the way they live their lives. Yet it seems that I am different. I have extremely sensitive sensors to feel vibes and moods of other people – prove why I do what I do for living and why I am good at it – so I can feel and see how people look at me. Followed by a conversation that quickly turns to questions regarding my marriage status, relationship status, my job and why on Earth I have all these muscles.

Watching Waves. Edgewater, Cleveland, Ohio September 2016

Watching Waves. Edgewater, Cleveland, Ohio September 2016

I don’t see a problem by responding to everything. With the truth. I am not married, because I broke up with the guy I was planning to get married to. We also were thinking about children, but it didn’t happen and no, I am not sad because of that. I am perfectly ok, because I have a gaggle of teenagers to take care of at work and this is all I need in that regard. I have an addictive personality and I have been through Eating disorders, drugs and pills addiction for twenty years, including abusive relationships and losses.

Yes, I have all these tattoos, because they are my souvenirs – I get inked when I travel and because I travel much, that’s how it turns out to be.

Yes, I work shifts and I like it. Even if that means to work 25hours in a row, I wouldn’t want to go back to a 9-5 job, ever. And yes my job is tough, because teenagers take their tolls, but it’s where I need to be and what I want to do.

Crack the dawn. ArtCampus Kettenreaktion, September 2016

Crack the dawn. ArtCampus Kettenreaktion, September 2016

Oh yes, I have a unique freedom in my life, because I can do whatever the fuck I please at any time outside of my working hours. I don’t do anything I don’t want to except taxes and my household. If cleaning, bills and laundry wouldn’t be a matter of special importance, I would totally skip it for the rest of my life. I might hire a good looking australian butler as soon as I grow up and have money. Because the accent.

And no, it doesn’t mean I lazy around all the time doing nothing and being carefree and careless 24/7. I have serious expectations and ambitions on how I want to live my life and that is exactly what I am doing with my job, my friends, training, photographing, writing and traveling. Without kids and marriage.

Free flying. ArtCampus Kettenreaktion, September 2016

Free flying. ArtCampus Kettenreaktion, September 2016

I am 38 years old and I am getting more tattoos. I run around with ripped jeans or skirts, shabby boots or sneakers and hey, if I feel like, I wear 8cm high heels. I have a blonde wild mane which I sometimes try to tame with a headband, or a basketball cap. I listen to old school hip hop and techno and electronic mixes, I have a bad boy car, a racing bike and I go and watch MMA fights if my friends ask me to. And I curse. More than regularly. Pretty much constantly.

 

Just smile when cursing. Patio at home, August 2016

Just smile when cursing. Patio at home, August 2016

I did so many different jobs throughout all those years, I stopped counting. I worked as a Flight Attendant, waitress, massage therapist, marketing assistant, social media manager, photographer, farmer and social worker. Clearly, I don’t know such thing like a golden thread in my career life – or my life in general. It gave me all the experience I am owning today and I feel rich.

Perspectives. ArtCampus Kettenreaktion, September 2016

Perspectives. ArtCampus Kettenreaktion, September 2016

I have affairs with men I like and I don’t keep it as a secret that I have physical needs, just like the guys who don’t keep it as a secret either. I don’t have a problem to ask a guy if he wants to sleep with me if there’s mutual sympathy. Sometimes, I feel like the society makes it a hanging matter if women ask for sex. Let me tell you, it makes things easier in life if you talk straight. I am a huge fan of straight forward talk – even if that means I overwhelm people like that – a lot. I won’t change, because I want them to get used to it and I also want to stay true to this different self of mine.

Make contrasts. Edgewater Beach, Cleveland Ohio, September 2016

Create contrasts. Edgewater Beach, Cleveland Ohio, September 2016

And this is exactly what I am teaching my teenagers. Everyone is different. Some follow more the mainstream kind of lifestyle, some are off-beat – own it, embrace it! As a conclusion, the only thing that matters is that you do exactly what is right for you. No matter where you are coming from, no matter how old you are and no matter what anyone else around you is thinking about you – if it makes you happy, it is the right path to follow.

xxx, Luce

Amongst the echoes of time, we are the discovery mode. ArtCampus Kettenreaktion, September 2016

Amongst the echoes of time, we are the discovery mode. ArtCampus Kettenreaktion, September 2016

13 thoughts on “What it’s like to be out of line.

  1. Gaynor says:

    Wonderful darling, I love your honesty!
    I simply love that you are you, please
    dont change xxx

  2. I love you for exactly who you are; don’t change that.

  3. LJ says:

    Love Love Love
    That is all🙂

  4. I think you turned out fabulously. You are truly an amazing, special person. I’m lucky to call you a friend!

  5. You’re amazingly strong in more than one way – keep up that straight talk of yours and you’ll stay be the coolest kid around forever!😉

  6. It looks like you were the coolest kid on earth, that patch makes you look dangerous in a great way. I love that you surround yourself with happy, positive people, I try to do the same in my life. Who has time for negative, sad people? I know I don’t. I like the idea of tattoo souvenirs; you will remember your travels forever. Being sexually liberated is a gift from God. I’m so tired of having to hold back because of society standards; I like sex what’s wrong with that? I think women like you should be celebrated; you make no excuses for what you like, your wants and needs. You have created a life that fits you and enjoy living it.🙂

    • Thank you so much for these kind words! It took me some time to liberate myself sexually, but I think us women should follow that path more and more. Guys do it since ages, so what’s wrong if us ladies do the same? Sex is healthy and good for our souls, so let’s just do it.

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