20. March 2016 by swissfitchick
Comparison is the thief of joy. Best recipe for disaster and miserable.
I sound like a broken record when saying that, but it is one of the wise truth I kept telling myself during my recovery.
If you are willing to overlook my temper, hyperactivity and a scary past of criminal shenanigans, drugs and other abusive shit, I am pretty basic, relaxed and content. I’m fairly laid back, provided I get to deload my energy in training, keeping my brain cells alive with writing, 1-2 glasses of wine a week and my loved ones around me. Basic.
Given the fact that this wasn’t the case at all in my younger years, this feels even more enjoyable. I was my worst enemy, my own bully and I kept myself miserable by comparing everything to everyone. Being perfect was the only way to happiness, I thought. I lionised skinniness and being in control.
I have never been a bitch towards other women or friends based on envy or jealousy, I was just simply mad at myself when I felt like I can not keep up with the ones I thought had eaten perfection with a spoon. I wasn’t capable to regard myself with favour, I felt I need to be hard on myself and beat me up in order to make progress.
This is bullshit.
Being a competitor at the CrossFit Games Open, I realise how important the mindset is, especially in a competition setting. I absolutely am my hardest self-critic, and I do never let myself be lazy, half-assed, non-consistent or selfish. I strive for hard work, mindfulness, empathy towards others and myself, and self-love. I go full-ass or I leave it – and I am always my friend, not my enemy.
Yet, there is a huge difference between keeping yourself accountable in what you do and what you are, in taking over responsibility and being reliable – and in beating yourself up and hating yourself because of failure or imperfection. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Comparing yourself with others in a positive way is possible if you take them as an inspiration. Stay yourself and take capabilities of others as a motivation to improve and to reach your goals. Don’t try to be them – stay yourself, always. Cause YOU are unique, you are perfect, just the way you are. You can always change your direction, destination, goals, mindset and attitude and the steps you take, but you can not change who you are. And that is extremely ok.
I am sick of people dragging themselves down, especially now at the Games Open. What’s the point? Except from looking unlovely cause of a miserable face and annoying everyone around by ranting and whining, there is none. Our performance will for sure not improve if we tell ourselves how weak and incapable we are – contrariwise, it will worsen. The only moment you may be upset about yourself is: If you want to be your best but do not do your best. If you are giving your all, that is all you can do and it is enough. If this gives the result you wished for or not, it does not matter – what matters is that you tried as hard as possible and keep up the work – so you deserve to be happy and give yourself a pat on your shoulder. Or have a glass of wine, cause that is how I like to reward myself.
Comparison also comes in handy, if you want to track your own progress. That is – I myself am my own biggest competitor. I do have an ego, oh yes I do, and I want to be a better version of myself than last year, than 10 years ago and then yesterday. I succeed, and sometimes I do not. It’s a journey and a process we need to trust in. Failure or slow progress is part of it. These are learnings we need, in order to become stronger – if you can handle failure, you are ready for success. Even in times of slow progress treat yourself with Love – it is the recipe for happiness.
I managed to provide myself with a second life by fighting for my recovery and by being free today from anxieties, drugs and the Eating Disorder. I also worked my squat ass off the past year to absolve a better performance at this year’s CrossFit Games Open. This season of the year is the point of time to realise where I want and need to work on in training AND my mindset. I am not free from struggles and you bet I was nervous before all the 4 Workouts until now.
Yet – stay down to Earth. Do not get obsessive, cause getting stuck in a thing that will take over your life may make you missing out on all the beautiful things life has in store. Also, being doggedly into something makes a grim face and that does not look pretty.
Relax, trust, and enjoy the process.