29. January 2016 by swissfitchick
It’s been a small minute or a few months, depending on which calendar you fly with, since I graced this place with some of my wisdom for you to chuck down. I know, you’ve been waiting greedily and I am just about to fill in your needs. It’s amazing how many sexual innuendos happen unintended. #thatswhatshesaid I might be a walking contradiction at times, but some wisdom stays amazingly if not reliably consistent and true.
So grab your drink (dry cold white wine for me please – soulsister Bee makes me cheat on bubbles for real) and I am going to inflict upon you with my huge knowledge.
1.) Be an adult, mature and behave according to your age. If you feel you can’t do it, which I completely understand, do a #bumbump. It’s fun and I am sure it’s healthy too. With this chain we can give the ice bucket challenge a run for its money (OMG anyone remembers that ice bucket challenge……k, forget it NOW.)
2.) If your Momma is using your Facebook account to follow your shenanigans (cause she is overwhelmed and scared by her own account), don’t post all the shenanigans. Especially if you extended your tattoo which she explicitly forbid before you left for the trip.
You can follow me on Instagram @fitswisschick and find a pic of it justsayin’
3.) If you indulge, then eat Swiss chocolate. It’s decadent and decadent is where it’s at. If your indulgement is liquid, then of course I suggest wine or bubbles, but that’s a whole different taste discussion. I recommend not to drink Margarita from the can on a Baseball game in the Petco Park in San Diego. Liquid calories that are not even worth the process of processing them. They made me dizzy though which made me survive the rules explanations of Baseball by Laura (she knows it all. I am still clueless.). AND day drinking is fun. I love day drinking. It’s not exactly wise, but still. So much for my wisdom.
4.) Say no to Sex in a car. Trust me. And thank me later.
5.) Never pass on a bag of your favorite chips, truffles or even cheese. You will never get it back. I had my fair share of fights and tears (I grew up with a big brother, ‘nough said), so you may trust me on that one entirely.
6.) Engage with others and make friends when you travel. Unless you are on a classic tourist tour, sandwiched into a tiny bus with no exit and some not particularly interesting German speaking maniacs sit next to you. Then shut up and pretend to sleep. If someone starts talking to you, give it your all with the best Greek accent you can do. (Wishful thinking. Greek accent is the best.
Supersexy also.) In any case, cover up your origin, solo for this time. A day can be very long. VERRRRY LONG.
6.) Unplug and watch the sunrise and/or sunset. Instead of ‘wow, how beautiful….wait, fuck, WHERE is my phone, Insta, oh, filter, wait, ah, almost gone, wait, for Facebook…’ – soak up the moment and leave virtual insanity behind for a while.
7.) If you are Jamiroquai, then welcome to my blog. I recommend you leave a comment with your phone number, or are you on Tinder? Hang on, I am not on Tinder (anymore, I think). K, phone, pretty please.
8.) Don’t spit your chewing gum out of the window of a driving car. Just read the Intro of this post and you know why. Also, if five firemen race with sirens and blue light to your office because you burnt a package of microwave popcorn in the microwave (yes that is possible. No, fo’ real. Possible. At least in this world of mine.) it does not matter if you take off your high heels or not. You do not impress them either way, cause it simply is a blonde nightmare.
9.) YOUR TURN. Share your wisdom with me.