11. January 2016 by swissfitchick
Summer came back to Bondi and spoils us. I thought about walking around at Bondi Beach, carrying one of these Sandwich signs on me which says:’Yo, wanna marry me?’ so I can stay here. But then again, I think this……
I am not a slut.
A friend once suggested that I should pretend that someone hacked my blog and yells out all the love life secrets of mine on here, so I get huge attention and exploding statistics. I was not impressed. So if you ever read inappropriate stories about me here which can not possibly be true (what do you mean, it is already inappropriate stuff on here! Tsss )……this was NOT me.
Anyways, that is not the subject for today’s post. I have been told I was stubborn. Not only lately, always. My excuse is that I am Taurus. Also, my Dad drilled me to do my way, to be quick in the trigger and arguing instead of giving in for the sake of peace. Harm set, harm get – to his annoyance, I learnt quick and totally used the skills he taught me when we were arguing. By lack of arguments, he simply suggested to me to become a fucking lawyer. Or that we just stop arguing now, cause he is the boss and because he says so. Meh!
The most recent situation was with a friend here in Bondi who I met again and stated in a short discussion, that I was just as stubborn as when we met last. He said it with a blink. I agreed, but also stated that it saved my life so many times. It helped me to be at the place I am today.
I dare to say about myself that I am a relaxed and uncomplicated person – I am not stubborn in my social life, on the contrary, I am rather flexible and adaptable. Yet, I am pretty straightforward and I have a strong mind and opinion about values and worths in life and my world. Plus, I am determined if I want something. If I have a goal in sight, I stay focused and work for it until I get it – I don’t mind the time or effort I have to put in. Stubborn. Or you can call it ambitious, dedicated, obsessed – whatever.
Being stubborn or dedicated for that matter brought me to recovery from my addictions. It made me jump back on to my feet after any down. The same makes me stay sane and not relapsing. I am not saying I have no issues – we all do, don’t we? But after 20 years of being a junkie, you might have some more and I definitely need to stay aware of my thoughts and my mindset to not get anxious. I have to make sure that my connection to my inner self is constantly activated and I got to keep up with the rituals that make me stand on a solid ground.
There were some points in life when I felt like I am not going to make it. Yet, with my stubborn mind, I refused to give up. I refused to stop hoping. I refused to stop believing. I refused to fall into this black hole which was kind of tempting. I stubbornly kept going.
It starts to be dangerous when you stop having faith, trust and hope in your life.
Being stubborn helped me to reach the goals I set for myself. If these are all the CrossFit skills I am still working hard for – talk about Handstand Hold, Handstand Walk (still working on that one, damn), all the stuff at the rig, Oly Lifts – I am not 20 years old anymore and I need to put a LOT of work, time and patience in to see some serious progress. But I want it. I want to be able to master these skills and as long as I can, I will work for it. I love training, it makes me happy and confident– this is the reason I stick to it consistently. After 2 years of CrossFit I can say, that the work starts to pay off slowly. I also earned my Bachelors of Arts at the age of 32, as one of the oldest students. I didn’t mind – I simply wanted it.
Being stubborn helped me to get out of the addiction almost by myself. It helped me to stay stable and not giving in to the nasty temptation of the drug.
Stubbornness has a flip side too…. it’s hard following rules which do not make sense to me. I am over the rebel thing, where I thought I need to break ALL the rules just for the sake of it and to show off as the cool kid – we must not talk about what rules I broke when I was young, it ain’t no good.
And I might end up in jail 20 years in delay.
Today, I simply struggle to subordinate when I see no reason. Which sometimes isn’t the healthiest thing to do, or rather it just gets straining without the result I wish for. Some rules stay rules and it’s more reasonable to just accept and follow them than arguing about them. #growup #butidontwanttogrowup
Except that reasonableness lacks in my life and I don’t like rules in general. Gotta work on that one, I guess. #assaidgrowup
Who moves to Australia with me?
Are you stubborn?
Which rituals do you use in your daily routine to feel good?