28. December 2015 by swissfitchick
I am back. Did I just say that? Before the start of 2016? Give me a virtual pat on my shoulder, will ya?
Never did I intend to be missing in action for that long, but oh well, life has its own plans – I was hit by this insight this year more than I was comfortable with. I turned 37 in May this year and in my younger years, I was convinced that by that age, I will be knowing it all, I will be over everything and I will be that wise ass, that chilled and relaxed lady and I will be so down to Earth that my feet would be glued to the solid floor I would be standing on.
Except it never turns out the way you think it does. It ain’t over till it’s over and that is probably not going to happen until I die. I am fine with that.
Quick update to give this post a point (I swear I have one, getting there eventually):
– I quit my job at CrossFit Basel
– I am on vacation in SoCal with Laura right now and will be moving on to Sydney for all January and I don’t have a job so far
– I did not relapse despite the rough times
– My trainings are amazingly strong and consistent
– My friends have been and still are close by my side
– I am still blonde
– I am still clumsy
– It makes life funny
– Life is too important to be taken seriously
– I competed at the World Championship of Powerlifting in October in Italy
– I spent more time in Spain
– I passed my IELTS exam with a 7.5 as I said I would
– I still eat too much chocolate
– I am still obsessed with champagne and prosecco
So…. nothing incredibly new here, except the job thing. You all know how much I loved my job, the box, the people and how passionate I was about it. I still am. But some work relationships simply do not work out. There was that one relation that made it impossible for me to stay and I am very sad about it. I, or we tried to make it work, but at some point it was over. This leave feels like a break up and I am still processing the whole thing. Good for me I get to do this in sunny California with my American Bestie. There are not a lot places I would rather be right now.
What will the future bring? I have no fucking clue. I will be back in Switzerland by end of January and so far there is no plan. In all honesty, I am not even keen on making one. I am getting my shit together right now and I am moving forward, I have no fear – I do not think that any impact in life has ever been able to stop me. Yet, I do not know what I am going to do – and that’s fine.
I know that I am being judged by people for being in my late thirties and still not settled. Sometimes, I do crave a settled life. A partner, a family, a home. Especially after rollercoaster years like 2014 and 2015, I feel like I had enough adventure. By now, I know I am strong enough to handle it all. So maybe Universe, it is ok to give some easiness?
No doubt, some of the crazy shit that happened were my own choices. We create our own luck or misfortunes for that matter, so I am to blame myself for some events here – yet, I do not regret a thing, I never have. Regrets are unnecessary, given the fact that you can not change the past anyway. It is all about how you rise, how you use the experience for your own growth, how you digest it and how you move on. Drowning in self-pity is wonderful for a night with a girlfriend, lots of booze and junk food, but that is over the next day and on you to take the next step.
And hey, I scored a 8.5, a 8 and a 7.5 in my IELTS English exam (9 is best) which I am pretty stoked about. And…..in the end, all that matters is your friends, your health and your home. I have all of it and I feel rich. I actually have some of the most brilliant, lovable, funny, reliable, strong and smart people around me and am happy to call them my best friends. This is amazing. I also have my beautiful flat back in Switzerland which I share with a genius Operasinger from Italy and we have the best time. I am able to wake up healthy every morning and go for a kick ass CrossFit workout – this is a blessing.
There is so much to be grateful for. Whining is necessary sometimes, but always with a pinch of humour. For me, life threw so many challenges at me the past two years, it felt absurd and I realized that the only way to make it through is by not taking it so seriously. So, in this spirit – keep on smiling, giggling and cracking silly jokes.
I am back and you are still here.