3. October 2015 by swissfitchick
This week was kind of ruthless. Minus the kind of. It was one to curse every day. As if I wasn’t doing this already in any times. This week, loads of girlfriends cursing texting was involved.
Snap twice and twirl and get over it. There were worse things in the past and I believe in the healing of food and training. So after a long Friday night, I treated myself with an overpriced organic gangbusters breakfast in the city on Saturday morning. I also tucked in some conditioning and weights in the mornings.
Well, let’s get to the point – I swear I have one – and talk about age. Aging. Sounds like aching. Which, I must say is less true, compared to 10 years ago, there is a lot less ache. Might be a few more wrinkles, which is cool. Cool I am not, but let’s talk about that later.
There are times when I can barely keep track of myself with all the crazy shit happening in my life, much less the things I say, but I am very much convinced that things get more peaceful, almost easier-going despite the reality being faced in the past. As said: you face things that trouble, but you see, you went through worse.
So here’s the point (I barely believed I’ll get there):
Oh, I can be a bitch, do not worry about that. But I am one if there is a reason. Like bad drivers, or ice in my drinks. A messy handbag where I can not find my stuff, or dysfunctional technology. Alright fine, that’s some unessential BS, but in all honesty – I simply stand up for things that bother me or do not seem right to me and I do not always do it in a decent and diplomatic way. So not Swiss. It’s the temper, it’s not my fault.
Though I used to behave bitchy when I was younger just for the sake of it. Yeah, that’s right, I was this horrible teenager who would just be snappy to whoever came my way on a self-proclaimed bad day. Fun times.
2.) Being the cool kid.
I am not cool. Far from it. I am emotional, clumsy, tomboy, loud, cheerful and vulnerable. I like to say I am pretty relaxed about many things in life and I am easy to be around though I hardly ever show my true emotions, but – I am not cool. I know that many who play the cool, are not either. When I look back, I believe it was a cover up for my insecurity, or for the mentioned vulnerability. And I actually believed I was cool with whatever tool I used to show it – a cigarette, drugs, pretending to know it all, pretending to be blasé about life in general, being out and busy 24/7.
My brother though thinks his sister is the coolest 30+ blonde in Earth, but that could be confused with sibling love.
Anyway – the point is, it is not important. I don’t need to be cool to be cool. I am too old for that.
3.) Trying to follow all the advice and feeling guilty if not.
Having said that I’ve been known to be clumsy, it seems like people around me get the urge at times to give me advice. As if that would be of any help. I know they want my best, but…..Anyway, Momma or some friends tried hard to make me as neat and well-organized as they are. I am neat and well-organized. Just in a different way. I only start to write lists when I get completely overwhelmed, otherwise I do my To Do’s in the order as they come to my blonde brain. It’s legit. I get it done. Somewhen. I am Swiss, but many sides on me are NOT Swiss at all and having my life in perfect order definitely isn’t one of them.
At today’s age, I accept it and I am relaxed about it. I got flaws and they make me flawless, just like everyone else. I tried hard to fit in that perfect and sophisticated glow my Mom carries, but that’s just not me.
4.) Binge watching soaps and hanging out without hiding it.
Letting along the thought that I hardly ever get the time to binge watch, I must say I LOVE it so much. I hardly ever watch TV without doing something parallel to it, but since it is such a rarity, it feels so luxurious to me – being home and not HAVING TO DO something. The point here is, I can’t be bothered less if I miss out on a party, if someone would think how embarrassing it is that I watch the worst nonsensical bullshit on TV or if my couch is buried in 3 different technical devices, napkins, blankets, while I lay in between and chatting to one of my Besties for solid two hours while the TV is on, mute.
I used to want to be the cool kid – neat and well-organized and always on the go. Well, I don’t think so anymore. I love going out, but staying in and binge watching non-sensical bullshit? Hell yes to that too.
5.) Doing what I care.
I got a bunch of best friends and family. I want to talk to them regularly about anything and everything and I value their opinion and their words mean the world to me.
In general though, I don’t care what people think. This was one to boost my recovery and my mental freedom SO MUCH. It’s not about being snotty or arrogant, it simply feels better that way. I like to see and hear what other people do and say even if some of it I can not relate to, but that’s absolutely fine. As long as they are happy – perfect. And that’s what I do – I do and say what makes me happy. I never ever intend to hurt anyone, but I can’t care less about all the judgements, opinions or comments people like to make about me and my life.
As the subject here says: I am in the second half of my thirties and I know what I’m doing. And if not, I will fall flat on my face, but – I will land back on my feet, that is for sure. So in the end, it’s always me who decides and it’s always me who fails or succeeds.
Whatever I wear, whatever my opinions are, how I live, what I think, what I do – this is all my part and I am the one who defines me, I don’t give this option to others.
What is your point to add to this list??