18. March 2015 by swissfitchick
Wait. I need to tell you first about my miserable fail in 15.3 CrossFit Games Open WOD. Ok, basically, I try to flirt my way out of this enormous critical subject in the title. But I get to this later. Now I pretend I ask for pity. The WOD was 7 Muscle Ups (we could actually stop right here), 50 Wall Balls and 100 Double Unders – as many rounds as possible in 14 minutes. I practised Wall Balls and Double Unders like a mad woman, but no. I had to do 7 Muscle Ups before. Fuckyeah.
I was filled to the brim with the firm conviction and dedication that I will at least do ONE. Strict, cause all the swing stuff scares me. Now believe me, momentarily, I run for shelter if anyone asks me if I would want to practise Muscle Ups. Given the fact that we put up boxes to jump from, I just used them to do some table dance while the girlies were beating up with good sound and training at the Open Gym. It was a blast to say the least.
Though I am inspired for the new and will make it to next year. See, they all made it:
Ok. Children. Seriously, I just don’t understand how people can ask me if I want children – looking at the fact that I am not committed to anyone. Hmmmyes, there is a slight chance to be a lonely Mom, but that is definitely not what I aim for. IF at all.
I may cut it short (you all know what that means….). I am well aware that I turn 37 in 2 months and that my biological watch is ticking away. So. I don’t give a shit if I may say this out loud. I feel like I do what I love and I enjoy my life to the fullest. I don’t see a reason why I should look for something if I am at a place where I feel happy. This might sound like I pretend to be the wise ass of Switzerland, which I am obviously not (while we’re at it, I just found my carkey in the fridge today and, oh, talking about a car, I crashed a ginormous bump into my car lately – so much for being a boss). But I can assure that I do have a savvy side and I learn daily.
I can not influence what happens in relation to love and family. And I don’t feel like I want to AT ALL. I had my fair share of experiences with the former and I am extremely happy for anyone who found it. There is so much relationship, marriage and children around me and I think this is wonderful. I found my place where I am today and I will continue to do my thing day by day. What comes tomorrow, comes tomorrow. I chase my goals which are currently focused on my job and my training and I soak up all the quality time I can spend with my friends and travelling. WHY on Earth should I think about something that A) I have no freaking clue if I actually want it and B) if it will ever happen. To me, this is a waste of time. And a guarantee for frustration.
By all means, I am inspired, motivated and happy by my job and my training at CrossFit. It’s what I want to do and I work with people who are a lot more than just co workers. I am free to do what I want outside of my job – the independence and freedom I get like this is luxury to me and something I will protect and hold on to for as long as possible. Of course, here and there are persons – outside of my close circle of friends – who I feel something towards them, but I protect myself from anything that might hurt.
Is this normal? Is this disordered? Am I scared of a commitment to a partner? Do I hold a fear of loss?
I am clearly feared of loss. Anything else I don’t know and I don’t care. But I know that I do what I want to do and I do with my full ass.