29. January 2015 by swissfitchick
A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend and he said something that made me think. And today I think this out loud.
‘I don’t understand why you always warm up your difficult or sad experiences from your past on your blog. Why not celebrating the present and the future and leave the past in the past.’
I completely understand and get this. I don’t think I am someone who gets lost in the past and is frustrated about things that happened NOT the way I wanted them or expected them to turn out. Hell, I would drown in depression and sorrow if I would do that, cause basically nothing in my life turned out the way I expected. But yes, I did write a whole lot of blogposts about things that happened in my past.
I agree almost completely with the above statement and maybe you figured that after my story series, I didn’t go down the ‘back in the days’ road so much anymore. Not because of what he said, but because I felt that the things that happened back then and the character of my ED just aren’t part of my life anymore. So much changed. And as much as it was a huge issue and central point in my life for so many years, today it is not important anymore. I do watch what I eat in order to be in shape and to absolve a good performance in my training, but the emotional part is gone. Relapses are gone. Permanent thoughts about food and weight are gone. Anxieties, Panic Attacks and Fears are gone. This all was replaced by my current priorities like my job, my training, my friends&family and travel. So why would I bring up or back something that doesn’t matter to me anymore?
Because I want to be a role model. I want to show where I’ve been and where I am today. I want to demonstrate that recovery is possible even after so many years and after an intense sickness and addiction. I want to give hope and trust to the ones who are struggling out there and I want them to see that an Eating Disorder mustn’t dominate their lives. I know that so many can relate to the experiences I made with the disease, but have fear to let it go. I want them to realize that life is so MUCH better without this crazy shit. I want everyone to at least TRY to get out of it and live life again. Life is too short, too beautiful, too much fun and there are too many opportunities to miss out on if one get stuck in an Eating Disorder.
My days should have 35 hours currently and I feel bad when I look at the laundry piles when I come home. But I wouldn’t change a thing. Since I fought myself free from the addiction, I am able to invest all my energy – and I have a damn good amount of it – in my job, my career, my training and my friends. I would have never been able to absolve a schedule like this two years ago. This makes me happy and I wish anyone else will be able to achieve the same.
I won’t dig out too many stories anymore from the dark days, but if I feel inspired or if someone of you has a special request about a subject they would like me to discuss or tell then I will certainly do that, that goes without saying. Always ask questions or give feedback I love to hear your thoughts!