Why I talk about my past


29. January 2015 by swissfitchick

A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend and he said something that made me think. And today I think this out loud.


‘I don’t understand why you always warm up your difficult or sad experiences from your past on your blog. Why not celebrating the present and the future and leave the past in the past.’

I completely understand and get this. I don’t think I am someone who gets lost in the past and is frustrated about things that happened NOT the way I wanted them or expected them to turn out. Hell, I would drown in depression and sorrow if I would do that, cause basically nothing in my life turned out the way I expected. But yes, I did write a whole lot of blogposts about things that happened in my past.

LucieI agree almost completely with the above statement and maybe you figured that after my story series, I didn’t go down the ‘back in the days’ road so much anymore. Not because of what he said, but because I felt that the things that happened back then and the character of my ED just aren’t part of my life anymore. So much changed. And as much as it was a huge issue and central point in my life for so many years, today it is not important anymore. I do watch what I eat in order to be in shape and to absolve a good performance in my training, but the emotional part is gone. Relapses are gone. Permanent thoughts about food and weight are gone. Anxieties, Panic Attacks and Fears are gone. This all was replaced by my current priorities like my job, my training, my friends&family and travel. So why would I bring up or back something that doesn’t matter to me anymore?

Because I want to be a role model. I want to show where I’ve been and where I am today. I want to demonstrate that recovery is possible even after so many years and after an intense sickness and addiction. I want to give hope and trust to the ones who are struggling out there and I want them to see that an Eating Disorder mustn’t dominate their lives. I know that so many can relate to the experiences I made with the disease, but have fear to let it go. I want them to realize that life is so MUCH better without this crazy shit. I want everyone to at least TRY to get out of it and live life again. Life is too short, too beautiful, too much fun and there are too many opportunities to miss out on if one get stuck in an Eating Disorder.

Jen&LucieMy days should have 35 hours currently and I feel bad when I look at the laundry piles when I come home. But I wouldn’t change a thing. Since I fought myself free from the addiction, I am able to invest all my energy – and I have a damn good amount of it –  in my job, my career, my training and my friends. I would have never been able to absolve a schedule like this two years ago. This makes me happy and I wish anyone else will be able to achieve the same.

I won’t dig out too many stories anymore from the dark days, but if I feel inspired or if someone of you has a special request about a subject they would like me to discuss or tell then I will certainly do that, that goes without saying. Always ask questions or give feedback I love to hear your thoughts!



17 thoughts on “Why I talk about my past

  1. I can very much relate to this. I used to really enjoy writing about my eating disorder days when I was actively recovering, but the further away from that I get, the harder it is to write about it. Heck, the harder it is to even remember it — it feels like a past life. But I don’t think you -have- to write about it to be an inspiration. I think that living a happy and healthy life are inspiration enough… and you definitely got that part down 😀

  2. I can see where your friend is coming from but I completely respect your decision to share your past- as you mentioned it gives hope to people who are currently in the same position you once were in….and it also gives them strength to continue fighting because better days are ahead! Even though you do sometimes post about your past, your blog still remains to be a ray of optimism – at least that’s the vibe I get :)!

  3. letizia@thefitlabel says:

    I understand your friend but from a selfish point of view, I am glad you chose share your past because it has helped me a lot with my own issues.

    However, like Amanda wrote, you can be an inspiration without writing about it. When I see your evolution on your blog and how you eat drink, party etc. like a “normal” (sorry, lack of a better word) person, it gives me hope that I can be like that too.

    So what I am trying to say is, whether you write about your past or your present, I still find you and your blog very inspirational.

  4. I actually think you have a fine balance between the two- Some bloggers overshare yet others pretend it never happened- Which I think is a huge downfall.

    I know through those posts you have helped many out there struggling- But you post whatever you find helps YOU too.

  5. that’s the thing about having your own blog – you can write about whatever the hell you want to write about! Although my ED is very much in the past, I still talk about it sometimes because I know it helps people, and it remains myself of where I came from and how strong I was to move past it.

    But even when you talk about sad stuff, you come off as happy and optimistic – which is awesome!

  6. Emily Hawkes says:

    Your story certainly helped me. I was there nodding along with much of what you said. For me, it’s helpful to see that you came out the other side and can be relaxed about food and have a healthy attitude to exercise. Many bloggers are in a pseudo-recovery, where they are still too focussed on food and exercise – you seem to strike a healthier balance 🙂 We love you for it!

  7. Reading your story helped me so much and I was already well on the way on the road to recovery. For me, the benefit was realising that I wasn’t alone in this, that others too had faced what I had, that it’s ok and we can all help each other to get better.
    Eventually I think we do need to revisit these dark times in order to really see how far we have come. I know that whenever I am having a tough or challenging day or moment, I think back on where I was and how far I have come and that gives me the strength to carry on fighting. 🙂

  8. Write what you want, or else it won’t be authentic. If you want to write about your past, how it shaped you and share how you’re now an inspiration for others, I say do it. The best writing advice I ever got was to “write what you know,” meaning you’re own life because your passion will come through in your writing then.
    The other fantastic wisdom (in my eyes of course) I can share is to “ignore the audience.” Write like no one is reading, or no one you know anyway. If I thought about my father, my step mom (who hates the monkey loving stuff by the way), my boss, or a coworker reading, it would impact what I write. So I push it all aside and just do me. You do the same, which is one of the reasons I really enjoy your blog. Keep doing you.

  9. Thanks for sharing! I too have dealt with years of addiction and I find that if I don’t talk about it, people may never see that there is a different way. I’m not dwelling in the past with negativity or remorse, but telling things how they are and how I have moved into a healthier way of life. I think those jumps to the past are important for illustrating just how far we have come!

  10. Nicole says:

    I’m glad you shared your story with us. I think many of your readers can relate – both to your past and to your present. We’re all trying to navigate through our own path. Knowing that someone else has traveled down the same road as we have at some point is comforting. Seeing how you write about your present-day self is fantastic, too. I know I try and strive for perfect balance and it’s nice to see someone else with the same piles of laundry, the same glasses of wine, the same sweaty workouts, etc. I guess what I’m trying to say is….keep doin’ what you’re doin’! 🙂

  11. Our past helps create our future…that being said, it’s not something that we have to dwell on. My Dad was killed in a tragic car accident almost 5 years ago and right after it happened, it was all I could think about, write about, talk about. Now- I still love talking about him, but re-living that day over and over doesn’t happen anymore and it’s easier to talk about without going off the deep end into a pool of grief.

  12. I think it’s totally fine to revisit the past – you’ve learned a lot from it and other people can too. I love hearing your story and then seeing how far you’ve come. You have an incredible life! xo

  13. brittanylesserfitness says:

    You’re amazing and you definitely inspire so many girls! I think talking about our struggles helps others that may feel like they are alone in similar struggles. I like to talk about my past as well, for that reason! ❤

  14. Well, personally? I think you’re doing a fantastic job of being a role model. Especially with your honesty and explaining WHY you bring up your past and show that darker past versus your brighter and happier present and future. It’s admirable! Keep at it!

  15. Kathleen says:

    Beautiful post and I appreciate your honesty…It’s important to talk about the past and remember where we came from, what we accomplished, what we learned (both good and bad), and how it has made us into who we are today! You look amazing and seem in a really good place and I admire how much you have done! 🙂

  16. cottercrunch says:

    i think we need more role models like you. your past might be some one’s current situation that needs to be resolved. You are that light for them! ❤

  17. danielle says:

    of course i appreciate your writing, and if you hadn’t shared with us all of you – the high’s and low’s, then i would not be as inspired by your awesomeness! a true hero struggles and lives life during all sorts of climates, and you have done this and are doing it now. you are not the same person you were yesterday, but you are the amazing person you are today because of where you’ve been. you’re beautiful my darling, tres bien! xoxox

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