16. October 2014 by swissfitchick
Thinking Out Loud these thoughts today with my lovely blend Amanda and her hosting TOL – thank you!!
I am not a good role model when it comes to accepting help. Basically, I try to solve all my issues on my own. I guess I was a little traumatized when my father got seriously sick at my age of 12 and I had to deal with the fear and the struggle on my own, cause Momma was busy taking care of him. I realized, that relying on myself only is my safest way to handle things. It’s what I still do most of the times. I back out, I clam up and deal with it on my own. I come back when things are better again and my smile is back. It’s my way to do it.
It works, but it doesn’t always work. Sometimes, we are too deep in shit to get us out of it all by ourselves and we need help and support. And we have the damn right to get it. We don’t need to be nice or a ‘better’ person or strong – if we need help, we deserve it. Everyone does.
I know how hard it is to reach out for support. You don’t want to annoy your friends, you don’t want to be a burden for your family. I get that, these were always my thoughts too. And I was SO ashamed of myself and what I do, I could’ve never imagine to tell anyone the whole truth.
But then there were times when I was in full despair, I felt like if I don’t get anyone to help me now in this second, I’d die. I need to hit rock bottom to call and ask for help. And I did in my past, several times. I got help immediately. NONE of my friends or family hesitated not even a second to come and catch me. For them, it was a matter of course that they are there for me, always. I still felt ashamed and I felt like I was a failure, cause I couldn’t make it on my own. It’s wrong. Accepting help is NOT a sign of weakness, it is a sign of insight and therefore strength to be ready to move on and make a CHANGE.
Some of my relationships broke, cause I wasn’t willing to accept help. All this backing out and not opening up was toxic. It killed emotions and the love. I say, if one of the partners has serious issues – the only way to do it without creating a disaster is to do it together. Sounds easy – is SO hard. I had 2 boyfriends to whom I opened up a little more and I was shit scared. I felt horrible and I was convinced that they would leave me the second they find out ‘all about me’. It didn’t happen. They stayed. The relationship broke cause of other reasons and cause of my inability to communicate about my inner struggles. But if there’s a man who truly loves you, you can rely on him supporting you unconditionally. It is rare and wonderful. Don’t waste it.
For me, I did have years of professional help. I saw my psychologist once a week and it was a big help. It was easier to talk to her since I knew I can load all my piles of worries on her shoulders without feeling guilty. She was a therapist, it was her job. And she guided me in the right direction – direction recovery. I can highly recommend to get professional help if you feel like you can not do it alone. It is a good thing, believe me.
Once I opened up to the world by going down the memory lane and digging out all my black secrets, it was even more terrifying. But the feedback was amazing and it made me keep on doing what I do today – writing about it and trying to give hope and inspiration to people out there who struggle with the same things.
If you are ever in doubt, then think about it like this: If you have a friend or a daughter and he/she is in trouble – would you find them weak? Would you think they are a failure? Would you beat them up? Would you turn down their request for help? You wouldn’t. Never. But you would be worried and maybe upset if you found out that they didn’t say a word while suffering, cause they were ashamed or didn’t want to bother anyone.
ALWAYS think about that. NEVER bother. Reach out and accept help. Feeling to be surrounded by a circle of friends and family who show you unconditional love and support is one of the most amazing things in the world and it is completely FREE. Go and get it.
Your thoughts, your stories, your input please!