Thoughts on accepting help

21

16. October 2014 by swissfitchick

Thinking Out Loud these thoughts today with my lovely blend Amanda and her hosting TOL – thank you!!

Thinking-Out-Loud

I am not a good role model when it comes to accepting help. Basically, I try to solve all my issues on my own. I guess I was a little traumatized when my father got seriously sick at my age of 12 and I had to deal with the fear and the struggle on my own, cause Momma was busy taking care of him. I realized, that relying on myself only is my safest way to handle things. It’s what I still do most of the times. I back out, I clam up and deal with it on my own. I come back when things are better again and my smile is back. It’s my way to do it.

Bena

It works, but it doesn’t always work. Sometimes, we are too deep in shit to get us out of it all by ourselves and we need help and support. And we have the damn right to get it. We don’t need to be nice or a ‘better’ person or strong – if we need help, we deserve it. Everyone does.

I know how hard it is to reach out for support. You don’t want to annoy your friends, you don’t want to be a burden for your family. I get that, these were always my thoughts too. And I was SO ashamed of myself and what I do, I could’ve never imagine to tell anyone the whole truth.

But then there were times when I was in full despair, I felt like if I don’t get anyone to help me now in this second, I’d die. I need to hit rock bottom to call and ask for help. And I did in my past, several times. I got help immediately. NONE of my friends or family hesitated not even a second to come and catch me. For them, it was a matter of course that they are there for me, always. I still felt ashamed and I felt like I was a failure, cause I couldn’t make it on my own. It’s wrong. Accepting help is NOT a sign of weakness, it is a sign of insight and therefore strength to be ready to move on and make a CHANGE.

learning-to-accept-help-150x150Some of my relationships broke, cause I wasn’t willing to accept help. All this backing out and not opening up was toxic. It killed emotions and the love. I say, if one of the partners has serious issues – the only way to do it without creating a disaster is to do it together. Sounds easy – is SO hard. I had 2 boyfriends to whom I opened up a little more and I was shit scared. I felt horrible and I was convinced that they would leave me the second they find out ‘all about me’. It didn’t happen. They stayed. The relationship broke cause of other reasons and cause of my inability to communicate about my inner struggles. But if there’s a man who truly loves you, you can rely on him supporting you unconditionally. It is rare and wonderful. Don’t waste it.

Sandro For me, I did have years of professional help. I saw my psychologist once a week and it was a big help. It was easier to talk to her since I knew I can load all my piles of worries on her shoulders without feeling guilty. She was a therapist, it was her job. And she guided me in the right direction – direction recovery. I can highly recommend to get professional help if you feel like you can not do it alone. It is a good thing, believe me.

Once I opened up to the world by going down the memory lane and digging out all my black secrets, it was even more terrifying. But the feedback was amazing and it made me keep on doing what I do today – writing about it and trying to give hope and inspiration to people out there who struggle with the same things.

USAIf you are ever in doubt, then think about it like this: If you have a friend or a daughter and he/she is in trouble – would you find them weak? Would you think they are a failure? Would you beat them up? Would you turn down their request for help? You wouldn’t. Never. But you would be worried and maybe upset if you found out that they didn’t say a word while suffering, cause they were ashamed or didn’t want to bother anyone.

FriendsALWAYS think about that. NEVER bother. Reach out and accept help. Feeling to be surrounded by a circle of friends and family who show you unconditional love and support is one of the most amazing things in the world and it is completely FREE. Go and get it.

Your thoughts, your stories, your input please!

xxx

Lucie

21 thoughts on “Thoughts on accepting help

  1. ifailedfran says:

    I sympathize and I think I understand. I’m super introverted, and an engineer… so of course I like trying to figure out everything and handling everything on my own. Would it be weak to ask for help? Would it make me less of a problem solver? Absolutely not. We fear being vulnerable, at least I do. Vulnerable doesn’t have to mean weak. I’m trying to teach myself that every day. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Thank YOU!! And I totally agree on what you say. We all are vulnerable and it is just ‘easier’ to hide it and be strong on the outside. Facing fears and admitting to be in need can be exhausting and difficult. But it’s so good to feel that people care if you need help. And it is NO failure at all to confess that.

  2. Beautiful Lucie! I definitely don’t think asking for help is a sign of weakness by any means! If anything it’s a sign on of maturity & proactiveness- i.e. you recognise you have a problem but are ready to do what it takes to fix it! Only when you confront the problem can you actually get that much closer to fixing it. And if some people might consider you (generic use of ‘you’) weak for asking for help, I’d take it as a sign that those people aren’t the kind you want in your life anymore!

    • Oh yes, that’s right!! I definitely wouldn’t want to have ‘friends’ in my life who are not there if I need them. That’s what friends are for!
      And yes, as difficult as it is to confront problems sometimes, it is such a relief when it’s OUT and can be fixed!

  3. Amen. It’s so very true. When we ask for help it’s both a) a sign we are surrounding us with the right people to trust in in life and b) a compliment to them. At least for myself I can say the biggest acknowledgement and a major factor of seeing the depth of any friend- or other relationship to me is how willing we are to give to and receive help from each other. If that’s never happening it might still be a friend but not one of those to go through good and very bad times.
    And I know whom I can count to which ‘list’ so that’s a blessing.

    • Oh yes. A compliment! That’s it! I always think, it is so nice if you feel able to support someone. Isn’t it paradox, that we feel we could be ‘too much’ for someone, if actually helping friends out is such a good feeling? For both sides, even.

  4. Emily Hawkes says:

    I was discussing the same thing with my friend yesterday. We’re both so busy trying to be strong, independent and a perfectionist that we don’t want people to see we can’t cope. Tough cancerians (crabs) tough on the outside, soft and squidgy in the middle🙂 xxx

  5. Lucie, I can certainly relate to your post. I am terrible about asking for help-of all kinds. I spent a number of years on my own and I just learned to be the one to handle it all. It makes my husband crazy because I won’t ask for help with different things. I’m getting better at it. Asking for help with emotional issues is a very hard thing. I know someone who is very much in need of professional help but not only won’t ask for it, won’t even discuss it. I’m so happy for you that you were able to ask for and get that help and that it’s set you on the right track. Take care!

    • I am so glad you’re aware of it and your husband shows you that you can count on him, that’s wonderful!
      And I know what you mean with that other person – I knew someone who was exactly the same. The only solution there is that they understand themselves that they need help. It’s hard to watch, but mostly the only thing you can do to be there and hope that they will understand!

  6. Asking for help shows amazing character strength. It means you’re brave enough, open enough and honest enough to know you could use some assistance. It’s not a weakness at all, just the opposite really.

    That being said, it’s really hard for some people to do, myself included. Only recently have I been asking my in-laws for help, with stuff around the house and the Hubby’s meals, because it’s really too much for me all on my own, when they Hubby is away at school. Trying to juggle a job, a house, the cats, a blog, my family and friends can be wonderful and overwhelming and leave me depleted, so I’ve been asking for help. It’s not easy, but it is getting easier the more I do it.

    • i am proud of you lady. I know exactly what you mean. I am the WORST to ask for help but then again, I wonder if others think the same – and then I go like ‘ I can not believe she doesn’t ask for help, I am her FRIEND!’ – so I really think we should start to realize that we can rely on our friends and family and that they ARE happy to help out – AND as you say, it will make us stronger in the end.

  7. I was so lucky that I could fully open up to my husband about my ED. His strength meant I was able to go down the path of recovery, otherwise I would have needed professional help. But the main thing was to communicate, if I hadn’t of told David everything that was going on in my head it would never have worked. In order to recover you need to be open, and it’s so much easier said than done. For some we have friends and family, others need therapists but the main thing is to talk.🙂

  8. cottercrunch says:

    i just did. literally. I needed help personally and mentally. Why does it take us so long to realize that? Thank you for the affirmation

  9. […] Thoughts on accepting help via Fit Swiss Chick […]

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