Burning down the Microwave and Cycling Tour Food

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3. September 2014 by swissfitchick

Did I ever tell you the story about how I almost burnt down my office 5 years ago? No joke. It was in 2009. Actually, I burnt down the microwave. And TWO HUGE firetrucks arrived on the street panic braking, and with blue light and a SWARM of fully equipped firemen ran into my office only to find……ME with a pitchblack burnt package of microwave popcorn that melted with the plastic cover thing in the microwave that resulted in a HUGE smoke cloud. On my highest high heels.

Guys, no shit. They came with sirens. And all this fire safety stuff happened like alarms, doors closing and shit. It definitely was the CENTRAL moment in my life when I BEGGED the universe to soak me in and NEVER let me fall back down on planet Earth.

giphy-2

And yes, it was an office for 4 people, but I was alone that afternoon. For the first time. Means, all of us had to work in a freaking smokey atmosphere on Monday (the disaster happened on a Friday). But hey, no drama please. They got a new microwave, after all.

When my internship there was over, they made me a sweet present:

Lucie

And I was forced to tell the story over and over again. So demanding , really. Couldn’t they see I was traumatized??

Looks like I am describing the hugeness of these firetrucks. Or the men? Hey! Intended sexual innuendo here. Never gets old, hahaha.

Lucie

Anyway, I wanted to let you know what I ate on the cycling tour, gosh. These stories always get in the way.

I packed a LOT of snacks. As high calorie as possible, c’mon, I was about to tackle 9 hours of cycling. I think these humongous Carb-Control-#whatthefuck-protein-bars had about 400 cals a piece. I ate both. They are gross.

Bike

First, at 6am in the morning, I fueled with eggy porridge pimped with banana and cacao nibs.

Oats

During the train ride and while cycling, I drank shit tons of water – but cause of all the sweating I hardly ever had to pee – which I know was the one fact you were dying to know. (Seriously guys. THIS kind of sweating is just disgusting. I was literally SOAKED from head to toe in my own gross water. And I stayed like this from 10 am to 7pm. I also shared hugs and kisses when we reached the top and so. Amazing.)

Bike

So I devoured bananas, bars and nuts during the ride and on the top I was craving salt – so a cheese platter it was. Hey? My opinion? Swiss Cheese is worthy its own religion. SWISS cheese. SWISS. Ok? Fack dairy free, I need lactose in my life. I definitely hardly eat any cheese, cause I love it too much – I eat massive amounts when I have it in the house and then I feel like a pair of 26 lbs medicine balls are lying on the depths of my stomach. That’s why these platters are perfect. And NO, I DON’T share, go away, #forfackssake

Bike

More processed protein bars on the way down and then it fiiiiinally was time to get some REAL FOOD. AFTER 2 glasses of champagne. I really want to have 2 glasses of champagne before dinner daily. Really. It makes me happy.

Lucie

120k’s, 2436 high meters and 9 hours of cycling and then 2 glasses of booze on my empty stomach made me drunk within seconds. I know you can hardly believe it, but I babble even more and laugh even louder when I get a little tipsy. #SCARY. Reason why I forgot to take a pic of the salad we had as a starter. But let’s be honest, no one is interested in a bowl of green leaves with 1/2 a cherry tomato and some orange stuff which I assumed were carrots. #blurredlines

Then the main course – it was DELICIOUS. Simple, but SO good. Grilled chicken breast, tagliatelle and vegetables (I never really recognize what veggies they serve. Side dishes are what they are – side dishes.) Wait! I see cauliflower and broccoli. Hey, not too bad.

Bike

Dessert didn’t suck at all either, although it was a plate of poo. I am so sorry, but really? Everything looked like it! There were some kind of caramelized pears too, they looked even WORSE, I didn’t even dare to include them in the pic! So here you only see the chocolate mousse which, despite it’s suggestive look tasted amazing. Chocolate mousse – my all time favorite dessert.

Oh LOOOOK! The pear made it into the pic! Sneaky bugger. See that brown poo-looking thing on the right? That’s it. Am I right? Am I right? Unappetizing. But good.

Bike

Post dinner I had a Gin  and Tonic. Champagne, Food, Gin and Tonic. My way of indulging. And then I passed out to dreamland with a tipsy smile on my face.

We met at 9am for breakfast – poor waitress had to make tons of eggs cause I started asking for it and then everyone wanted one. Sorry, but breakfast without eggs? WHAT is that anyway?

Yogurt Bowl with Goji Berries, Bread, Cheese, Almonds, dried apricots and an egg to come

Yogurt Bowl with Goji Berries, Bread, Cheese, Almonds, dried apricots and an egg to come

Bike

I ate some more processed junk on the way home and then finally cooked up a homemade meal on Sunday night for dinner. It’s good to be home.

Spinach-Salad-Bed topped with saffron chicken breast, broccoli, cauliflower, shiitake and a folded sunny side up egg with flax

Spinach-Salad-Bed topped with saffron chicken breast, broccoli, cauliflower, shiitake and a folded sunny side up egg with flax

Back on track I am – getting rid of the fluff that spread over my muscles during the last few weeks. I am craving salad. Who am I? Where’s the cheese? Ooooh. But yeah, I am 2 days into on plan eating and I already feel my body thanking me. It’s all about balance, you guys.

And now, head over to Jen’s Blog and check out more days of delicious eats!

WIAWbutton

What is your favorite dessert? 

Did you ever burn down something in your kitchen? 

Food you always have for breakfast? 

xxx

Lucie

26 thoughts on “Burning down the Microwave and Cycling Tour Food

  1. Were you scared of getting fired for doing something like that??!! I would’ve been shitting my pants. Your office staff is so friendly.

  2. I would seriously KILL to see you drunk — that has to be the funniest thing ever😛 And I once melted (MELTED!!) a pot of… rice, maybe?… when I left it on the burner for too long. Oops. Definitely not my proudest moment… And I think my favourite dessert is constantly changing. It was ice cream a while ago, but now it’s shifting towards the cakier and doughier things. One thing is always constant though — there HAS to be chocolate.

    • Hmm yeah, I think it’s pretty funny when I’m drunk. I also make loads of commitments and promises I regret the next day – but always keep :-=
      Totally agree on the chocolate part for dessert!

  3. Haha you are HILARIOUS…I can only imagine how much more so you are with a lil alcohol in you! I’m with you about cheese- some things are worth the dose of lactose (hey I rhymed ;)! My fave dessert is definitely ice cream…even just plain vanilla will do! Next in line are freshly baked cookies & cheesecake…as you can see, I’m very low maintenance with my dessert preferences :

  4. I love all the Sex and the City gifs. That was one of my favorite shows when it was on. In fact, I still miss it.

    Mysterious veggies no problem. Cheese platter no problem. Chocolately looking plates of poo…errr, I guess no problem.🙂

  5. THE MICROWAVE!!!! Best or worst cooking invention? Ha! Some years ago when living in college we had a tiny, yes tiny, dorm fridge and freezer. Obviously there was no space for my milk so I put it in the freezer. One day I had the magnificent idea to warm up my milk carton in the microwave because I WANTED MILK!!!! Since it was frozen I couldn’t pour it in a glass so I put the whole thing in. I couldn’t wait for it to defreeze. So it happened! The carton caught up in flames, the electricity went off and the firefighters came….You know the rest….NEVER AGAIN!!
    Eggs are a must at breakfast! I also love fruits and some type of bread…
    And please don’t start about Swiss cheese…HEAVEN!!!

  6. Haha, sorry but I couldn’t stop laughing when reading your story. So cliché but honestly, I’m sure it was just bad luck and could have happened to anybody.
    Confession: I once turned on the wrong burner in my last apartment. With a plastic cutting board lying on it. Do I need to go on?? It smelled so bad I feared getting intoxicated … and the worst: no matter what I tried part of plastic -still- stick on it. And since I moved out… Do you think the new tenant noticed yet? Woops.
    Favourite dessert: ice cream. But I will not turn down chocolate mousse, either. It’s chocolate in even creamier form so is that even a question? (:
    Also, I’ve never tried the Carb Control bars but while interning at Runner’s World we once tested energy bars and I had some of the worst of my life. Never ever buy those PowerBars. So nasty. http://www.runnersworld.de/ernaehrung/energieriegel-im-test.276268.htm#1

    • I had those POwer Bars before – they ARE nasty. I think I like Questbars once in a while, but basically, they all have a funny consistency and taste.

      Seriously, I ALWAYS create little fires in the kitchen, that gif is not even a joke. I guess I should be happy I never really burnt down my house.

  7. Please tell me sweating makes you pee less….maybe I need to just keep bloody sweating cos I’m over peeing thanks to drinking water.

    Oh those meals look delicious but seriously- WHO OMITS EGGS AT BREAKFAST?

    I burnt Niki’s hair when I was 8. I told her it would make her hair glow like Christmas.

  8. haha I love the microwave story! Fortunately, I’ve never quite managed to do something like that :-p As for favourite dessert…anything chocolate-y will usually do the trick for me!

  9. I almost burn my apartment down daily thanks to popcorn. My microwave is out of control and no matter what time I set it to it always burns! Good thing I like burnt popcorn🙂

  10. Aurora says:

    9 hours? That’s awesome-and crazy! I’m always terrified of burning something down-but the most I’ve done is a giant spark when I microwaved a peanut butter jar that apparently still had some tinfoil on it.

  11. i totally agree – breakfast requires an egg dish of some sort, at the least!
    my kitchen fire disaster was many years ago, maybe 11? i was in my (dumb) early 20’s and living in a shitty apartment but in the cool part of town. for some CRAZY reason i wanted to make a banana cake at 2am in the morning. was i drunk? maybe. anyhow, the cake was making my home smell lovely, then suddenly it caught fire. long story short, i used my brains and sharp reflexes (haha) and put out the fire, but also managed to cover my ENTIRE tiny apartment in white foam powder…. forever. it never went away. and i had just moved in. omg kill me!!!! that was a true nightmare, thank you for making me feel better about being such a moron🙂
    xox

  12. I have a feeling all firemen have small penises, which is why they are firemen, because they can finally experience what it’s like to handle a long hose!😉

  13. Tori says:

    Hi what’s plan eating please?🙂

  14. marylegare says:

    Haha you’re too funny. I haven’t burned anything down…or had firetrucks arrive at the scene…but I used to have a shady microwave that would over or under micro without giving me a heads up. I’m a fan of making some quick popcorn in a brown bag in the microwave. Never had any issues with this. One night, I threw some corn in a bag, tossed it in the microwave, and next thing I knew, the bag was on fire. It was in there for like 2 minutes!! What the cluck?!? I got a new microwave the next day. And I didn’t get to eat my popcorn. It was burned.

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