How Lifting and Crossfit helped me in my recovery

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26. June 2014 by swissfitchick

Funny enough, when I first started to do fitness, I lifted weights. I was 18 years old (or 17) and joined my first gym. I never sat on a bike and you never found me on the Treadmill – I religiously followed the weight lifting program the trainer there created for me.

Though I didn’t want to get strong, I simply wanted to look tight and fit. I didn’t care how much I lifted. And honestly, with the amount of food I ate (or maybe better I DIDN’T eat), there was no way I would build some serious muscle.

Lucie

With the progressing of my Eating Disorder and especially when I entered the field of bulimia, Cardio started to play a more important role.

To cut this short, over the years, I became the Cardio queen. I ran at least 100 minutes a day, every day. If I didn’t run, I spent 2-2,5 hours on different Cardio machines at the gym. When I think about this today it makes me sick. I have no freaking idea as to how the HELL I was able to waste my time like that and how I didn’t die in boredom. Call it addiction, I guess??

I still like to run. But today’s runs are fun. I go out when it’s beautiful, to explore areas, to move to good beats, to clear my head, to meditate. I don’t care if I burn calories or how many miles I run and I don’t give a shit for how long I am out there – I can’t stand more than 50 minutes anyway.

Run

I also love to do some intense HIIT stuff or the ‘cardio’ we do at Crossfit – like practising Double Unders (did I just say that?? I must be mental), rowing (yes, I really like it!!), sprints, Kettlebell craziness and stuff.

Crossfit

About 1,5 years ago, I fell in love with weight lifting AGAIN. I also tried Crossfit, but I wasn’t hooked yet. Crossfit got me past January. Both weight lifting and ESPECIALLY Crossfit now are the first sports I actually do structured, mindful, goal oriented, consistently  and patiently. Means, I train to get better, constantly. I love how my body changes this way, and I eat to perform and to get lean. But my focus is on the passion of working out, making progress and training to reach my goals. I have no CLUE how many calories I burn and I simply don’t care. I take 2 full restdays a week, sometimes 3. If I feel like running, I run, if not, I don’t.

Lucie

Gaining muscle and strength didn’t only make me stronger physically, but also mentally. As much as I was intimidated to enter the free weights area at the gym and join all the muscly groaning men – I now don’t care anymore what they think of me. It’s not THEIR weight room. I am blonde, and I have boobs. Yes, I wear pink and a ponytail, my nails are painted (mostly red) and sometimes I wear make up. Such a cliché. What does SHE want here. She should be on the Elliptical. I dare to say they shut their thoughts when I start lifting. I am not the strongest and I will never be. But I can lift some heavy stuff and I am proud of it. I give myself credit for that and I don’t need stupid remarks or looks from bored bodybuilders. I simply want to train hard and don’t care about their shit. Oh yes, I am that arrogant blonde bitch at the gym. I call it focus.

index

Surviving Crossfit WOD’s and Benchmark weeks is another thing that supports my self-confidence. Honestly?? The first 3 months I was friggin’ SCARED of every single Crossfit Class. I felt weak and stupid and I was terrified that my performance sucks, that I fail, that everyone is better than me and that I simply embarrass myself. I had to kick my ass to cycle there twice a week and face those fears. It sounds stupid, but it’s the truth. Thanks to my sweet friend, neighbour and Crossfit buddy Vanessa I wasn’t always on my own and felt so much better when she was with me – and I still do.

crossfitToday, I am looking forward to it. I am still nervous – everytime. But I know the trainers, I know some other Crossfitters and I made progress. I am – and maybe always will be – in the very beginner middle-field with my performance and that is ok. I am ambitious and I want to improve my skills and strength but I do this for ME in the first place. It takes time and I just keep on working hard. But the most important thing is, that I am amazed by what my body can do. Those past 20 months made me appreciate my body so much, its capabilities, its strength, its flexibility. I pay tribute to my body for all what it achieved so far – especially after all I put it through.

I secretly wished I was already a Crossfitter at the age of 5. WITH that stupid eye patch.

I secretly wished I was already a Crossfitter at the age of 5. WITH that stupid eye patch.

So – first of all – if my body does this all for me, I should do something for it too. I should take care of it the best I can. I should nourish it with the best food I can find. I should love and appreciate it day by day.

And yes of course, I gained weight. And not just a bit. Can I still wear all my clothes? Some yes, some no. Do I mind? Yes, cause some of them were favorites. And no, cause some clothes just look way better on me now. I am happy that my body simply is stronger and fitter than ever before. For me it is a sign of recovery that I don’t freak out because I put on kilos. And that I don’t change anything in my routines because of that. That I hardly ever step on the scale. I am not interested in how much I weigh. I am interested in how I look and how I feel.

Lucie

I eat to perform. I eat to achieve my goals of gaining strength and looking fit and lean. I do not NOT eat to be skinny and I don’t eat because I am struggling emotionally. I love food and I love what it does for my body and my performance.

Noodle Salad

Secondly – being strong physically makes me feel invincible. It makes me feel like I can get through everything that life throws at me. It makes me feel that I can fight and be successful. I mean, if I can lift 1 and a half times my bodyweight up from the floor (I weigh something like 65kg, fyi – YES) and pull myself up a bar with weight around my waist, I will SURE be able to fight those nasty and horrible Eating Disorder thoughts, right?? CONFIDENCE and SELF TRUST is what I need to fully recover. Because if I don’t trust myself that I can achieve anything, then the negative thoughts have an easy way to my mind.

imagesSource

Do what you want to do, because you CAN.

Go girls. You are STRONG!!

xxx

Lucie

33 thoughts on “How Lifting and Crossfit helped me in my recovery

  1. This post is AMAZING, Lucie! I’ve recently gotten back into strength training regularly and it really is so empowering- both physically & mentally. It’s remarkable to see how your body is constantly changing and getting stronger. I love how you discuss the concept of respecting our bodies the way it respects us i.e. by allowing us to perform in ways which we could never imagine. Regardless of how much weight you have gained, you are looking freakin’ beautiful, Lucie!

    • Thank you so much Khushboo!! I think any kind of exercising makes us feel good, but strength training gave me back my self confidence which was gone for so long. It’s definitely not only about muscles🙂

  2. You can tell how these two forms of fitness have truly been a lifesaver for you both mentally, physically AND emotionally- it no doubt has taught you so much about yourself which you can relay in other areas of your life. Nice one mon ami!

  3. It’s amazing to see how much you have flourished even in a few short months. Finding that “thing” that makes you feel confident and strong is a gift we should all be so lucky to experience. Mine isn’t fitness but blogging has taught me I am capable of so much more than I think and quitting my job showed me a level of strength I never knew I had. Great post!

  4. I rarely swear but this post honestly warrants a little bit of a potty-mouth: FUCK YEAH. There’s literally no other way to put it🙂 I AM SOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU and obviously feel a lot of the same feelings as you in the confidence that CrossFit, eating to perform, and all that good stuff has done for my body, confidence and life. Gosh, I wish you lived in Toronto. xo

    • Yesss!! My little (little as in younger :-)) Crossfit sister!! I would LOVE to live closer to you so we could share our passion of lifting all that heavy shit🙂

  5. You are totally hot. And strong, which is hot. It’s kind of amazeballs.😉

    P.S. Every time I ready your blog I crave shrimp. Or prawns, as you say.

  6. cottercrunch says:

    i just want to echo everyone by saying YES, you are flourishing, you are living, you are alive and thriving! strong beautiful and passionate! Love how crossfit can be more than fitness

  7. Love this!!! You look so amazing!

  8. Amazing post, love. And amazing progress! I think that finding something that you’re passionate about, no matter what it is, can be a HUGE help in ED recovery. It makes you want to take care of your body so that you can do the things you love, since an ED takes that all away. I’m super happy for you😀

    • Yes!! It’s so sad that all the energy for a passion can be wasted on an ED. It’s the best tool to get out of it by having something that is just so much more important than the ED.

  9. Bridget says:

    One word: Inspired🙂

    oh… and thank you for posting that!

  10. […] + How Lifting And Crossfit Helped Me In My Recovery […]

  11. Lukas says:

    Love the writing & story! Inspiring…
    Keep it up and do some burpees😛

  12. Such an awesome post! Although I never had an eating disorder, I’m extremely underweight because of complications from celiac disease. I love playing soccer, running and cardio, but I’ve had to turn to weights until I get my weight back in order. Surprisingly, I love it! And I can’t wait (pun!) to lift even more!

  13. Sarah says:

    You look strong and beautiful! Sometimes I really have to laugh too when I strength train at the gym because I wear pink and I’m not even 1.60 tall so you can imagine what impression I make…before I lift, yeah! But most of the time I find the “heavy lifters – protein shake drinkers males” to be quite nice to me. And every single time I lift I feel great because I’m proud of what my body can achieve. On Friday at work we had to move some stuff and it was quite heavy, I was so happy when a coworker said I was strong…

    • Haha, YES, show them off girl! And yeah, they usually are nice, I think they like the change of seeing a woman in this area🙂
      And so awesome you got that compliment!! Keep up the good work!!

  14. […] How Lifting and Crossfit Helped Me In My Recovery by Lucie at Fit Swiss Chick […]

  15. July says:

    Rock on Lucie!! Love your story & how much you’ve achieved!
    Thank you so much for writing about this. I love strength training and it’s also helped me in my relationship with food. This post boosts definitely inspires me to put in double the effort.
    ditto on the ponytail & pink shorts haha🙂

  16. Our bodies are impressive little machines. It’s also amazing how forgiving they can be, and I always appreciate their own ability to reset and remove toxins.

    I think you look fantastic and even more important, you feel it too. #vanillagorilla

  17. Ashley says:

    I love everything about this post!! Crossfit has literally saved me from myself. For the first time since my ED, I’m finally looking at my body as what it can do for me functionally rather than just aesthetically. Crossfit has pushed me out of my comfort zone mentally and physically and I never want to go back. I am finally eating to fuel my body because I have those goals of getting stronger, conquering those workouts–not eating as little as I can to fit into a certain size. I’ll take PRs and peace any day of the week!

  18. […] As I wrote before, Crossfit releases my power, my energy and my temper and channells it into the right direction. There was no time in my life before when I felt more confident in my body or in my mindset. Of course this is mainly my own hard work and personal development, but what I learned about sports, my body and my capabilities and how important my strong mindset is since doing Crossfit is simply amazing. There are still a LOT of insecurities and doubts – but there must be some space for improvement too, yes?🙂 For me, Crossfit makes me want to reach out for more, raising my limits and fullfill my sportive ambitions. I am serious about it, but every workout is done with a sidelaugh and fun. You know I can’t do anything without it anyway. […]

  19. […] Lifting and CrossFit – my way to confidence […]

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