Why binge? – VLOG


19. June 2014 by swissfitchick

Hey friends!!

It’s a VLOG day!

Today I am trying to explain why binges happen. Or let’s say, why MY binges happened. I got asked so many times by friends why bingeing was my addiction. I also get questions from readers how they can stop the vicious cycle. There is definitely no general solution how to break this habit or how to start recovery. Like with everything in life, there is no universal rule, it is different for everyone who is confronted with this difficulty. I solely try to give an impact of thought and hint that might help to understand more the background of this disordered behavior and maybe for some to understand better why they do what they do. And from which point they can start to work towards health.

Take-Care-Of-Your-BodyAs for the video. I tried to keep it short, which failed. It’s me and my mouth, we can not stop once we started babbling. And I did NOT prepare myself for this video properly. I am THINKING OUT LOUD – so I am sorry for any nonsense sentences and English mistakes. Thinking-Out-LoudWhat I did not say is, that bingeing wasn’t always that ‘easy’. I remember bingeing in the galley of a B747 while my crew was serving dinner to our passengers on the way to New York, Boston or Chicago in my times as a Flight Attendant for Swissair. I also had enough binges over leftovers in my own kitchen when I pretended I wanted to make the dishes. Hidden in the corner behind the fridge while my guests were chatting over a glass of wine in the living room. Privily and secretly – while keeping up a fake smile. Or I binged in my and Sandro’s home and when he came back from work all his food was gone. And I felt SO embarrassed. So there were definitely situations which were a lot more awkward, unglamurous and disturbed than ‘just’ being home alone and eat.

Also, I am talking about ME. It’s MY opinion about MY experience. There might be a whole different story out there from someone else, but this is me.

But now I stop and let you watch my video and my mess in my soon-to-move-out-tiny-flat. And sorry about the swoosh noise. It sucks. But my video skills do so as well, so you just have to deal with it.

More posts about binges/bulimia:

The point of no return – a description of that moment when the waterfall breaks. The moment when I decided to binge.

It’s not over yet and it sucks – Relapses happened in the past year on and off. I had to dig deep to figure where they came from. An analysis of my inner struggles.

Signs of an Eating Disorder – When does it start?

CLEAN – Cold Turkey from the pills.

Eating Habits – Recovery starts to show, slowly. Still taking it with a pinch of salt.

Take the baby steps – but take them – Recovery is a very slow process and it needs a lot of patience and effort. But the hard work pays off eventually.

My tips to recover from a binge – If it happens, the first thing that matters is how you handle it. My experience, my tips.

What’s your wish Lucie? I wish I could look back…. – Recovery is here, for real. Thankfulness and Reflection are the top feelings.

If you are interested in other topics or subjects related to my Eating Disorder / Workouts / Food – let me know! I plan on doing a VLOG once in a while if I get requests.



29 thoughts on “Why binge? – VLOG

  1. I’m giving a great big THUMBS UP to this post! 🙂 Thanks for sharing all you do.

  2. cottercrunch says:

    i love that you are talking about this, it’s realness. And we all relapse in some way, in whatever addiction we have. And we all have them and are working on them, daily! xxoo

  3. julie says:

    thank you for your realness and honesty, you have been there so you know the struggle. i look forward to following you

  4. What a lovely, informative video Lucie – I found it so calming and reassuring to what.
    My personal experience with binging is something I still struggle to talk about openly other than with immediate friends and family but for me it was a combination of ‘demonising’ certain foods leaving me constantly craving them and also food as, like you say, a tool or a cover up. I guess it was like my escapism and I used it to fill an emotional void that was a whole lot more complicated, because food seemed like the quicker, easier option at the time. It was through working on those issues – as I still am – that I was able to stop the binging, as I no longer needed food as a crutch.
    I like what you say about relapses, they happen. And sometimes it can be so hard to accept them as not a failure but as part of the process, and when you look at the gaps between them growing to me (now) that is progress.
    Ultimately, learning to love yourself is the goal and when you are able to nourish and treasure yourself life is a whole lot more fun! Thanks for sharing again and sorry for the mini essay here!

    • Thank you so much for your honesty Pip!! This will help so many out there too.
      Food IS a very quick and ALWAYS available tool to cover up struggles. It is easy and probably the reason why so many turn to it when in need.
      And I absolutely agree – we need to count the successes and not the relapses. They will go away, slowly and steadily and one day you will realize that you don’t even think about them anymore.

  5. I am so happy you decided to do a video on this, it was so real and refreshing to hear you speak about it.

  6. I think I could probably listen to you talk forever — we need to Skype!

    And I love that you opened up about this. You’re going to inspire so many women who are struggling with the same thing and are unable to even imagine a way out of it. I think what you said about loving yourself and realizing that you deserve to treat yourself better is one of the most important things — I know it’s what really helped me recover from my own eating disorder as well.

    Love you tonnes ❤

    • Thank you Hunn – a Skype date is definitely needed!

      I am convinced, that when we start to love ourselves, the urge to create a punishment like this goes away. It is only logical. We would never hurt a friend we love. So why hurt ourselves?

  7. Ah firstly it was so nice to finallly put a voice to your face- adore your accent Lucie! Love your tip about relapses and reaction…we can’t change the past but we can change our reaction, which ultimately acts as the foundation of the rest of our lives!!

  8. I’m so proud of you for talking about this lady! We need more people like you willing to have a conversation about it, so that people struggling have resources to turn to to help them heal.

  9. Very interesting. I once did a term paper on this same topic!

  10. I admire your honesty, and your willingness to talk about this! Your bravery and realness is inspirational to so many of us who are still struggling.
    Also, you have a beautiful voice!

    • Ann says:

      Lucie, this was such a timely post for me. I have had this effing ED for 20 years now! Four kids later and many recovery/relapses later, I am still struggling with over-exercising/under eating/bingeing cycle. I just binged yesterday, but today I did not over exercise to compensate. I really appreciate your honesty and I have been reading your blog now for the past few months. You have made me feel less alone….I feel like no one understands! My dear husband tries to understand, but it’s hard for him.

      Sorry to ramble on here, but you are simply amazing and such a beautiful person, inside and out.

      Thank you, Lucie…thank you for YOU!

      P.S…love your Spain pictures! I (and my buddy ED, unfortunately!) studied abroad in Granada and took many trips to the Costa del Sol while I was there…beautiful!!

      • Ann,
        Thank you so much for your honest comment. I know where you are – I’ve been there for so many years as well. Please, never lose hope. I know you will be able to get out of it.
        And I know how hard it is to try and make it understandable for your husband, AND for him to understand you. Just keep on talking about it, honest and open – I lost my partners cause of the ED, so never stop communicating with each other!!

        I LOVE that you were in Granada!! I visited Granada in fall last year and it is SO beautiful!!

      • Ann says:

        Thank you, Lucie, for taking the time to reply to me. You are so inspiring. I think you are my new girl crush! 😉 Have a great weekend!

    • Thank you Lisa!! It is my intention to inspire others to open up and not being ashamed. No one is alone, we need to stick together and create support!!

  11. I’ve never had an eating disorder, yet I found this vlog to be incredibly informative and logical. Your reasons for bingeing make sense to me, and I would bet they’re similar to the reasons other people binge. Usually it has nothing to do with the food and more to do with hiding the emotions you aren’t ready to deal with yet. I am certain this vlog will be a great support to many in our HLB community. Kudos to you for posting it. I love your bravery. It’s inspirational.

    • Thank you Meghan!
      I just think it is important to let people know out there that they are not alone. I always thought I am the only freak here who does weird things like bingeing. It is such a relief when you actually find out that there are others that struggling with the same and you can stick together.

  12. […] but not least – what about Vlogs? I made a short one and a longer one so far – if you like that kind of posts I will try to keep in working on […]

  13. […] in the search field and you will find a collection of subjects I addressed already. Here is a little resumé of the most important […]

  14. […] BEHIND the binge. I knew, bingeing was a cover up for a struggle, so I tried to focus on that. (Here’s a VLOG I did about reasons why binges happen). I tried to take care of myself instead of punishing myself. […]

  15. […] WHY binge? Vlog – Reasons that can possibly make you relapse […]

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