Guilt vs. Goal – this is MY style

37

29. May 2014 by swissfitchick

I appologize right now – this is going to be a little rant. This post was on my mind since about 2 weeks now and I have to write it down today.

It’s been quite a while since a situation like this occured. ‘What Lucie, why do you only take a bite? Eat it all, come on. I eat it all. I don’t care about calories.’

I am SO irritated by comments like this. If someone would follow me through my days, they would realize just how much I eat. I probably eat a lot more than many around me – and it works for me. But honestly? I don’t even feel the need to explain my eating habits AT ALL. Just because I was suffering from an ED for 18 years doesn’t mean I am still at the same point I was back then – and it doesn’t mean I need to PROVE everyday that I can eat unhealthy food without feeling guilty. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. JudgeI know that it wasn’t always easy to be around me when food was involved and I know I have been seriously sick for years. I know that my eating habits were strongly disordered and that I treated my body like shit. I know I did dangerous and stupid things and I know that I was obsessed with food and exercising and weight and body image. And I KNOW that I am still IN recovery and not RECOVERED YET – I am aware of it all. LucieBelieve me something though – when I look around, I realize that I am actually a lot more relaxed about food and body image than many others that were NOT diagnosed with an Eating Disorder. Through all these years of therapy, hard work, reflection and my daily commitment to get healthy, I came to a place where I am happy and healthy – with a good side of my past, meaning disordered thoughts – on which I am still working on. But I do feel that there are so many who judge or watch me because I am vulnerable – vulnerable, cause I tell the whole wide world about my problem. That’s ok for me, it is my decision to write everything down and let the world know. But I am not ok if people draw conclusions before actually getting to know me and my present. As said – I feel like there are enough people who are struggling with food and guilt, yet still feel the need to tell ME I should relax. CarrieI am sorry, but I really don’t need to hear this anymore. I educate myself about my disorder, about nutrition, health, fitness, crossfit – daily. I know myself very well and I am working on my recovery and on my body daily as well. I am FAR from being perfect and I never want to be. I am far from being an expert but I DO work with experts in order to learn. I know I don’t do everything right, but it is what works for me right now.

In my opinion, there is a difference between avoiding certain foods because of guilt, or because of a goal.

Guilt vs. Goal.

If I overindulge many days in a row, I start to feel guilty, slowly. But I never feel guitly if I indulge at one meal or even 1-2 whole days. Heck, I was off the wagon for almost a week back in February and I felt awesome cause I was happy. BUT – here’s my goal now: First of all, I want to be healthy. And I want to define my muscles, I want to see the work I put into my body, I want to look athletic and I want to feel confident and proud when I look in the mirror.  That’s my goal and if I want to reach this, I can not eat chocolate 3 times a day. It’s a fact and it’s a decision. I make this decision and I go for it. I enjoy the process and I still eat a LOT of wholesome, fresh and nutritious food. I love to cook and I love to work hard in the Crossfit Box or at the gym – it’s my passion.

Crossfit Is this disordered? I don’t know. WHAT exactly is disordered and what not is a subject for an other LONG post. I can only say that what I do makes me feel good. I love where I go and I love to watch the progress I make. I love to experiment with food and workouts and the response of my body  – it is the best education I can get. I don’t want to be skinny and I don’t care what my weight is. The only thing I care for is that I can do what I love and that I feel good doing so. And BECAUSE of that I don’t care who likes or approves my lifestyle or not. As long as I don’t hurt anyone, I can do what I want. Right? Right.

Love

It irritates me that people make judgements based on what they know from my past. It makes me sad that I am not looked at the person I am today with all my progress, knowledge and recovery but as the disordered girl who is obsessed with calories, who only wants to eat salads and light yogurts and who is only happy with a skinny body. My friends who were with me all these years know that I eat chocolate guilt-free, that I can party like a mad woman, that I am an uncomplicated and spontaneous gal to spend a weekend or a vacation with. Even if I am on a stricter plan like now, I never turn down social events or the chance to spend time with people – I have my tricks to stay on track and still have a perfect time – and no one will notice. Unless they watch me like a hawk and judge me for drinking less alcohol or saying no to dessert.

BenaIt is MY decision what I eat and what I don’t. I am in the middle of a break-up, a move, I meet new people, I take care of my friends, family, my blog, I have a job – and with all these happenings and responsibilities I still eat 3-5 proper, nutrient-dense and structured meals and don’t behave disordered. My thoughts may be disordered here and there and they may remain like this forever – or maybe not, who knows. The point is, that I know what I do and I like it. I know it works for me and my body responds very positively. It may not work for someone else but it does for me.

Beef We all know that we are different, EACH ONE OF US has different goals, and needs a different diet or workout routine to reach them. Some may not even have a fitness goal, they have goals in the area of family, job – etc. Fact is, we do what’s best for us and what makes us happy. And no one – NO ONE has the right to deliver a judgement about something they don’t know the story behind.

LoveStay happy, friends and chase your dreams – never let judgement burst them.

xxx

Lucie

37 thoughts on “Guilt vs. Goal – this is MY style

  1. Kim says:

    I so agree about not judging!!
    I don’t understand why so many people feel the need to make comments/judgements on other’s eating – how does it even bother them?! I think that we should all be able to eat the way that works for us without snide/rude comments from anyone!!!

  2. Agreeeed with the judgment. Some people are just so quick to judge others on every little thing, when really, it’s none of their business. They have no idea where the person is coming from! You do you girl!❤

  3. I hope you know that I never think of you as a disordered girl. Never ever. I’ve been reading your blog for long enough to be able to see how far you’ve come and how amazing you’re doing. Rock that sh*t, girl, and don’t worry about what other people say. I know those comments are annoying, but other peoples’ opinions don’t matter. Only you know the truth about yourself, so only you’re in a position to judge how you’re doing.

    • Thank you so much Hunn – you know how much your support means to me!
      I don’t mind the comments so much anymore, but sometimes I just feel so pissed, cause I put all this effort in proclaiming healthy living and recovery – and still people don’t get it.

  4. Amen girl! Preach it like today’s your last day. Seriously though – whoever has the nerve to say a word to you about your eating or never letting go of the past aren’t worth your time. You’ve come to far to give a rat’s ass about what ANYONE has to say. Continue doing YOU and being YOU! I’m proud of you girl<3

  5. I think often judgment stems from their own personal insecurities or to some, simply to snark or create unecesssry drama- the power lies with you to block them out block out their perceptions and continue doing you- you have goals, dreams and a life- never condense yourself in that bubble they have created associating you with your past. It’s called a past for a reason.

  6. Khushboo says:

    I agree with Arman above, judgement is a reflection of personal insecurities. Everyone has their definition of normal and while some people think I am “too healthy”, I can quite rightly say they are “too unhealthy”…but I don’t because I only concern myself with who I am. Continue being unapologetically you, Lucie…that’s why we love you

    • I just feel sorry for anyone who has personal struggles and I just hope they can sort it out differently than by judging others! It only creates more misery.
      Thank you Khushboo!

  7. Very very well put Lucy😉 I especially agree with the fact that many people who have been diagnosed with an ED in the past, are actually far healthier (body and mind) than many who did not ‘struggle’ with it. F*ck the judges!

  8. Unfortunately, for people recovering or recovered from an ED that label tends to follow us around, to the point where even years later people will question our motivations or our desires in anything food or exercise related. But you know where you are in your recovery and that your current goals come from a healthy place, so just keep on doing what you want to do, love!

    • That’s so true Sam, I really feel that the label follows me throughout my journey – which is of course understandable. I hope one day people will realize that I am far from where I used to be in my sick years!

  9. People who make snarky comments like that are often dealing with their own shit! Try not to take it too personally and remember that you know yourself better than anyone. You also know how far you’ve come so don’t let anyone EVER undermine your progress!

  10. isis says:

    Lucie,
    People are always going to say things, and most of those things are going to be worthless, really. So why should you give a damn about it?
    We often worry too much about what’s deemed as disordered by people, when those people are actually choking on their own personal messy habits

    • I absolutely agree and I want to get better at giving a damn about it🙂 I usually don’t care so much, but sometimes I am SO like:’REALLY?!’ Cause I thought I was past this point, but obviously these judgers will always be there.

      • isis says:

        Hey, it’s an art, ya know xD?
        No, but really, just enjoy your life. A life filled with joy doesn’t have room for judgment. Judgment is nothing but a silly attempt to fill the gaps of an empty life

  11. Sarah says:

    I hate this kind of comments too! Even without an ed or a past ed, some people tend to openly judge healthy lifestyles. I’ve heard so many times “oh but YOU can it that you’re so thin”. Well sorry I’m not sorry if I don’t like the taste of junk food and the effect it has in my body. An overweight friend of mine once said that people never told her she was too big but didn’t think twice about saying something to a (too) thin person. We’ll maybe this person is naturally thin or maybe he or she is sick and it’s nobody’s business? We’ll anyway…rant over!

  12. I’m so proud of you for being able to stick to your guns. Some people need an enemea – all up in other people’s shit! When they on my food I try to remind myself that it comes out of a place of ignorance or insecurity… so screw ’em.😉

    On a happier note, Processeco isn’t just a poor man’s Champagne! http://www.details.com/blogs/daily-details/2014/05/ask-the-wine-wise-guy-is-prosecco-really-just-the-poor-mans-champagne.html

  13. Ashley says:

    I honestly find it so annoying when people comment about what other people eat. I don’t comment on the color of your hair, on what shoes you choose to buy, on what lipstick color you decided to slap on some random morning, so what does it matter what I or anyone else chooses to eat. When did we become a society so fixated on what other people are eating…first world problems, I guess. Just do your thing and don’t worry about others. I think people seek to find something about which to be judgmental when they are uncomfortable with themselves. My family stuffs crap in their face at family gatherings but I don’t say anything to them…because it’s their choice to make, not mine. Just be you, that’s all you need to worry about!! I have an ED past and sometimes it is hard to look past other people’s comments but then I just tell myself that they aren’t me, they aren’t in my head or in my body, and just let it roll…

  14. Tori says:

    What an inspiring and honest post. This has given me focus and determination to live as healthily as I can and to be as fit as I can even. Thank you!

  15. You certainly don’t need to apologize for a post like this, I think your honesty is amazing and you should just keep on doing what works for YOU. I have learned to let all the comments about how and what I eat slide right past me, because who are others who don’t spend every minute with me to judge how I eat at one meal.

  16. […] Guilt vs. Goal – this is MY style via Fit Swiss Chick […]

  17. […] Guilt vs. Goal – This is MY Style via Fit Swiss Chick. Diet and fitness are personal — leave the judgments out of it. […]

  18. I feel like the line between what is “disordered” and what is not is very thin. It’s okay to not be sure about that line. I’m certainly not. And it’s okay to have a goal to be healthy. Just because you eat healthy doesn’t mean you’re disordered.

  19. […] Guilt vs. Goal – this is MY style via fitswisschick.com […]

  20. Since I’m new to your blog, I don’t really know what you eat, nor do I really care. I do know that you seem to be very genuine and a lot of fun despite dealing with some rough stuff (ending a relationship). I always say be you, do you and own that shit. I’d say this post is you owning that shit. Good for you.

  21. Anoushé says:

    Beautiful post! You are so so so right!! I used to be someone who would compare but I soon realized how different everyone is and learned just because certain things work for a friend, doesn’t mean it will work for me and vice versa! Also, the world we live in today, with all the new options and possibilities, should technically be judgement free, because anyone can now try anything – but it isn’t. Sometimes I feel the fact we can now choose how we wish to live, we just get looked at strangely if we choose not to be how others are, despite there being so many options and everyone being unique… It’s sad ..

  22. […] my work, my home, my life – I don’t compare. This is me, the way I do it and it’s perfect for me. Of course I realize differences and I am aware of my weaknesses and where I have to / want to work […]

  23. […] of defiance – at least I didn’t gulp down vodka first thing) – I decided to have my own paleo-rules in my life. Try to take away my beloved chocolate quark, prosecco, or oats from me and we have a serious […]

  24. […] Making my own choices to achieve what I want – and not caring about judgers. Guilt vs. Goal […]

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