Weal and Woe.

28

15. May 2014 by swissfitchick

This is nothing but Thinking Out Loud.

Thinking-Out-Loud

On repeat.

2014. The new year begun, and I was very pleased since I had a wonderful December full of Christmas Spirit and loads of fun parties. No anxieties and no binges, just festive atmosphere, friends and a nice, mild winter.

SnowboardIn February, I injured my back and had to take a week off. It was a good lesson and even though I had a lot of pain, it had a positive effect on my mind AND my body. I rested, I calmed down, I recovered and I understood how wonderful and important rest is.

Then I went to Spain for a week with Sandro and we spent a wonderful time. So I thought. If I look back and look at the pictures, there IS happiness. Maybe not enough. Obviously not enough.

BenaAnd the happiness went on with carneval and ski-weekend and the proof, that I can dominate my Eating Disorder. I felt great – but I felt that something wasn’t quite the way it should be and it made me sad. It was my relationship, and it ended in March.

Then I had an attack of dizziness which had to be tested in the hospital – which turned out to be nothing, but it also turned out that during the tests, they had the suspicion of multiple sclerosis. NO, it’s ALL GOOD. I am healthy. Cheers to life!! Benajarafe Beach Workout After that, I was riding an emotional rollercoaster. Saying that, I must say that thanks to my daily meditation practise I am so very much AWARE of my feelings – I can experience them in their very RAW nature without burying them in binges, other disordered eating habits, overexercising, or partying until I was a picture of misery (I used to do this in the past when I felt bad about something).Bena 2013 060

I exeprience the sadness. The laughter. The fear. The longing and nostalgia. The euphoria. The gratefulness. The love. The despair. The pain of a broken heart. strongRaw, so raw, because I want to FEEL what life throws at me. I know I am ready to face everything and to look at it and to watch myself handling it.

At the moment, the pain of my broken heart hurts more than ever before. There were these few weeks of doing pretty well and explaining to myself rationally every day why these things happened. At the moment I am here, layaway through my days and even if it is cruel, I let the feelings come. I am vulnerable because I don’t try to distract myself and I don’t surpress my feelings. When no one is looking, I cry a little at the office (and curse cause of the messed up make up) and I cry almost everytime on my bike – thank God for sunglasses. Crying is good. And my shades are stylish. Just sayin’.

I still laugh daily. I love to crack jokes, I love being silly – no sad event will ever take my humour off from me. I live from it.PragI am not begging for compassion here. What I want to bring across is, that life is like that. There are good times and bad times. Happy times and shitty times. Weal and Woe. It’s up to us how to handle them. I have a wonderful job, I am healthy and I will move into my dream-appartment soon. I experienced the most touching and wonderful support from my friends, my brother and my sister in law, my Mom, my co-workers, my blends and from all of you my readers. This is happiness and something that is true value in my life. LoveI feel that life is testing me and I take it. I got to know myself so well in the past 2 years – even in exceptional circumstances like this, I know what I need. If I need to go out, or if I need a lonely run. If I want to go for a walk and embrace nature or if I want to curl up at home with my Bestie or Brother and a movie. I know if I need a kickass Crossfit Class or a meditation. I know if I need someone to pick me up and make me laugh or if I want to be on my own and write this post. 10001256_10151910314936846_2041988672_oI know I am strong enough to pull through this time and you bet I will keep my smile on. Will you join me?

xxx

Lucie

28 thoughts on “Weal and Woe.

  1. I love this, Lucie. I love that you’re not afraid to feel your feelings, whether they be positive or negative. I spent so many years of my life bottling up my negative emotions and it really came back to bite me in the ass in the long run because they never really go away… they just build up over time until you reach a breaking point and snap. Thank you for always being such an amazing inspiration❤

    • Thank you Love!
      I couldn’t have said it better – they literally bite you in the ass if we try to run away from them.
      Sometimes it’s hard to face them, but it’s the best practise for gaining strength!

  2. I have to echo Amanda’s words above about you being such an inspiration. When life throws us difficult situations, we can either let them destroy us OR as a means to make us stronger than we ever thought possible. We can’t change the past but we can change our reaction…and that is what is going to be the foundation of the rest of our life. Your strength and zest for life is amazing, Lucie.

    • ‘The foundation of the rest of our life’ – I love that Khushboo!
      Life is sometimes capricious – but that’s also what makes it so interesting, right?

  3. widdermeetsjungfrau says:

    Lucy, very inspiring post! You’re absolutely right, life is an up and down. If we don’t face it we will never know all possibilities.

  4. Enora says:

    Hi Lucie! This is si true! Life is made with joy and sadness but what is mots important is the joy! You are going to be even stronger. You have the full control of your life!
    And the most important: dont loose the smile and the humour. Life is too sad without it!
    And you have a lot to enjoy: your next flat, your holidays, your friends, your workout,…
    Take care
    X

  5. This. This is reality. This is life. These are the challenges that life throws at us.

    I truly believe emotions are so underestimated. We often curse the less appealing ones like hurt, sadness, pain but in hindsight- they are able to differentiate between the not so good ones and the ones we cherish.

    This whole process- You don’t realise how strong you really are until you read through this post.

    • Yes my Dear – very well said. It IS the difference that we see and we can get aware of how beautiful the joyful feelings are once we experienced the sad ones.

  6. Proud of you lady! I definitely know where you’re coming from with this…I spent years hiding my feelings, stuffing them down, and basically doing anything I could to avoid actually feeling them. Which of course, led to a lot of negative consequences. It’s important to really allow ourselves to feel our emotions, whether they’re positive or negative.

    Life has it’s challenges, but you are handling them in an amazing way,and you should be proud of yourself❤

    • I definitely spent years and years hiding my feelings too. I didn’t even realize that I do that – until they built up and I snapped.
      I rather be aware what’s going on – as much as it sometimes hurts!

  7. ilikekitties says:

    Here’s a quote I think you might like.

    “I think that we are like stars. Something happens to burst us open; but when we burst open and think we are dying; we’re actually turning into a supernova. And then when we look at ourselves again, we see that we’re suddenly more beautiful than we ever were before.” – C. JoyBell C.

  8. Oh, my friend. This will be your best year yet!!! Life is so beautiful… there must be the down so that we can better appreciate the ups. It’s something I think you have learned well! xoxo

  9. cottercrunch says:

    you need to be raw! let it all out and go through the emotions, that to me is STRONG! we love you friend. You are truly amazing!

  10. Hi Lucie, I’ve been reading for a while but never commented. I love this post, it’s so real and I just had to drop a comment today. You’re also really lucky to be living in such a gorgeous place – I’d love to go to Switzerland one day!

  11. This was so refreshing to read. I feel as though so often people try to cover up their true feelings by ignoring them, but acknowledging them in their raw, real form is always the way to go.

  12. […] Weal and Woe via Fit Swiss Chick. There are good times and bad times, and we need to be willing to embrace both. […]

  13. […] peaceful, colored and beautiful when it dawns. It’s hard to leave it behind. As said in my post on Thursday, I do suffer, but I don’t fall into a depression. I let the pain come, but then I pick myself […]

  14. Ms.J says:

    Oh wow, this post..fantabulously brilliantly real.
    When I was deep in anorexia I was numb to my emotions, but now..now the intensity of my feelings scares me. I know its a good sign that I’m “experiencing feelings” , yet its frustrating because for the most part I can’t pinpoint what I’m feeling, why.
    Love the you’re at the stage where you’re embracing it, and understanding yourself🙂

  15. I found this post through Running With Spoons and I also happen to adore Laura whom you spent so much time with recently. It’s a great post. Full of honesty, pain and positivity. It’s full of weal and woe. Beautiful.

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