Take the Baby Steps. But take them. – What defines us is how well we rise after falling.

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1. May 2014 by swissfitchick

Reflection is a good thing. Looking back can be harmful or frustrating, but it can also be encouraging. Especially if you make progress.

Progress_QuoteBut it never happens over night. Whatever your goal is, it takes time – the more ambitious, the longer.

Recovering from an Eating Disorder that lasted more or less 18 years is a very ambitious goal. The ones out there who struggle or struggled with the same know exactly what I am talking about. It’s no game. It’s no fun. It sucks, it’s hard. It needs endless patience, determination and you fall 10000x and you have to get up and look at your face in the mirror – which you probably hate at that moment. You feel like a failure for so many days and nights and you spend moments in hopelessness and despair. 649_49572031845_2467_nI don’t know how many times I wanted to give up. I sometimes felt like my Eating Disorder would EAT me. It would kill me. I was sure I would die one day because of this monster that took over the auto pilot of my life, body and soul.

Is there a reasonable alternative to moving on? To making steps forward? To stop complaining? To stop bathing in self-pitty? To accept help?

Yes, I could have stayed in the place where I was forever. I could have go on bingeing and purging, starving, gulping down pills, running for hours, skipping social life in favor of my Eating Disorder. I could have gone on whining about the diagnose of bulimia and that I am a sick person and that it isn’t my fault. That I am the slave of this disease and that there is nothing I can change about it. FotoI made a decision one day – in March 2012. I decided to NOT be a bulimic anymore. I decided to NOT being a disordered eater anymore.

To come where I am today took me years. MANY years. And it called for intense effort, a LOT of work and dedication. And I still have a lot of work to do.

imagesFrom this moment of decision on until today I made baby steps. Every single day. One little tiny progress per day, day by day. Oh, and I fell. So many times. I had relapses, I had awful weeks, I battled anxieties, depression and fears, I felt horrible so many times, I was terrified of my own courage, I had panic attacks and I felt like a failure. But I never gave up. And I still don’t. LucieNow 5 weeks ago I was hit by the sad side of life and I have to go through a break up at the moment. It is a tough time in my life and I am riding an emotional rollercoaster – not as much as in the beginning anymore but still with a good amount of bumps. Normally, this was the perfect reason to binge. Or to starve. Just to do anything that was obsessive and had to do with body image, food and self-worth.

Nothing like that happened. I cried. And then I danced. I talked to and hugged my friends. I went for killer workouts – not obessive but ‘cleaning’. I drank too much champagne – because I had fun and not because I was desperate. I ate too much chocolate – because I wanted to treat myself and not because I was sad. I worked a lot – because it gave me strength and energy and not because I had to punish myself. Yes, I looked puffy and I walked around with tear-stained eyes – oh well, sometimes life just isn’t glamorous. BUT – there was no day in these past weeks when I had a relapse of my Eating Disorder. Baby Steps take you to where you want to be. Don’t expect wonders, but take the baby steps. The progress you make like this, will last forever. They create magic. lucie_back.jpg

You might not realize daily progress. On some days you might even think that you took a step backward. But that’s not true. Once you started a journey, you can always go forward – relapses and break downs are only part of the process. They are needed, they are the reason why you grow stronger, wiser, smarter and persistent.

LucieMuscles

What defines us in the end is how well we rise after falling.

I am not there yet. Is there a THERE? We can always learn and improve. The main thing is that we are HAPPY WHILE we are making progress.

My journey will go on forever and I will get stronger and only stronger. I experience results, mentally and physically and this makes me want to strive for more. It makes me want to inspire others. It makes me want to never stop going forward, being positive, living life to the fullest and smile. Smile every day.

Lucie

Yes, you might get the crazy smiling wrinkles like I have, but believe me that’s a good sign!🙂

xxx

Lucie

39 thoughts on “Take the Baby Steps. But take them. – What defines us is how well we rise after falling.

  1. Aimee @healthypetite says:

    Oh gosh Lucie, I was filling up with tears at this post. This couldn’t have come at a better time for me – I am really struggling to get back on track and pick myself up. My ED started when I was 8, and I will be 19 next month and have still not yet overcome it. I was doing so well this time last year – my thoughts were rational, I was happy, had energy, but I received some bad news early this year and it just sent me on a downwards spiral. I am not so exhausted from myself, and feeling so irrational but am scared to take those steps towards recovery and don’t know where to start – but you’re right, we need to take little baby steps. You are so inspiring, and I am so glad you are in a good place xx

    • Oh Aimee!! Thank you so much for your honest comment!!
      Just this – never lose trust!! Believe in yourself!! I know you can do it. As said – we don’t take step backwards, relapses are part of the process. You came further than you think. Take one step at a time and you will get where you want to be. As overwhelming as it might look right now, each day is a chance to tackle recovery!!

  2. You couldn’t have said what I believe in my heart any better. I’ve struggled for 18 years myself, and I can tell you- it never gets easier, but it does make you stronger. I began recovery (an honest one) in 2012 as well, and I can honestly say it was the hardest and best, decision I ever made. Binging, starving, over-exercising and orthorexia have ruled my life for way too long. They still try to take over some days. Some days I cry way too much, but I always take those baby steps.

    You’re an incredible source of strength, hope, and determination that I believe is the definition of a true survivor. We aren’t a victim to this disease unless we choose to be. Baby steps are all it takes to go from Point A to Point B. KEEP TAKING THEM because I know I sure will:) Praying for you dear:)

    • It looks like ours stories are pretty similar girl! I am so proud you made this courageous decision. I am the first to know how hard it is and how easy it would be to just screw recovery and go back to old habits. Keep up the amazing work!!

  3. This is such a beautiful and inspiring post, Lucie. No matter what each one of us are going through, this is something we can all relate with. It’s the little steps that make the biggest difference and although it may not seem it at the time, they’re all leading to your towards victory :)!

  4. I don’t usually read blogs at work on my lunch break but this stood out and I couldn’t help myself- wow Lucie this is beautiful and so eloquently written- for someone who doesn’t consider English their first language- this is amazing.

    You continue to show your true strengths and how far you have come- baby steps is the pefrct way to put it- yes it’s slow but it’s a journey- and one which is only going up for you. I love how you indulged but not with a ED mindset or behaviors. You should be commended Lucie. It stole 18 years of your life- and now it’s time to prove you can and are overcoming it.

  5. Enora says:

    Lucie, this is a great post, so well written!!
    Look At you, stronger than ever! You can be proud about you!
    As you say, baby steps are the key!
    Keep going like this and keep writing post!!
    X

  6. Anita says:

    What a beautiful person you are. Thank you for sharing. Xo

  7. So, so proud of you hun❤ You have come such a long way, and dealing with what you've been going through the last couple of weeks in a healthy way demonstrates that. It's easy to run back to an eating disorder it a situation like this, but you are strong and you are beating it. You are amazing!

    • Thank you Sam, so much!! Situations like this suck, but they show me how far I came – it’s like the test phase. And it’s a good feeling to be stable and strong!!

  8. Wow Lucie, this is so eloquently written – you are such a strong, beautiful, courageous woman! I love the concept of baby steps – sometimes you can feel like you have made no progress but then you look for all the little changes you’ve made and realise you’ve come miles🙂 you are doing incredibly!

    • Absolutely!! It really does!! I always reflect after a few months or after a year – and there is ALWAYS big and good change over this long period of time. We just need to keep going and one day we can see all the progress we made.

  9. Those are the most beautiful smile lines I’ve ever seen!

  10. calista says:

    “You might not realize daily progress.” I so love that you said that. I often don’t realize how far I’ve come because I’m looking at the big milestones.

    I have smile lines too – I think I’ve earned them! You’re beautiful!

  11. […] + Take The Baby Steps. But Take Them. – What Defines Us Is How Well We Rise After Falling. […]

  12. cottercrunch says:

    this post is truly healing and powerful friend. Thank you for being vulnerable with us and being REAL! beautiful

  13. Oh Lucie… this was beautiful❤ Although I can't claim to have suffered from my ED for as long as you have, I can definitely attest to how hard it is to recover from one. But you're right… baby steps are what it's all about. And the funny thing is that you don't even notice the progress at first because the changes are so subtle… It's not until you look back and realize how different things are now than how they were back then that you realize how far you've come.

    Love you tonnes❤

  14. This is so beautiful congratulations on your strength and growth! I don’t even know you but I’m SO proud you didn’t use this dark time as an excuse to listen to the voice telling you to obsess about things and question your self-worth. You are seriously gorgeous and so strong! You’re a huge role model for me as I try to get stronger – muscles are sexy! Have a wonderful weekend!

    • Thank you so much Lauren, your comment made me happy!! I am so glad if I can inspire you all to go forward and to have trust. And YES, muscles ARE sexy!!

  15. ilikekitties says:

    After 18 years of struggling with an ED, you of all people deserve to be kind toward yourself! Keep taking it easy and be proud of how far you’ve come. What an inspiration you are!

  16. […] Take Baby Steps, But Take Them via Fit Swiss Chick. Recovering from an eating disorder is a long and painful road, but even baby steps will get you to where you want to be. […]

  17. Thank you so much for this post. It is not only beautifully written, but such a source of hope for someone who has suffered from ED’s for over a decade as well. I’m 24 and have been struggling with some form of an eating disorder for more than half of my life. It’s really difficult to believe that recovery is possible for me. Stories like yours, though, provide such inspiration and hope and force me to ask myself: What makes me so different? What makes my eating disorder so much “worse” that I am unable to overcome it when others have? So thank you so much for that.

  18. […] Take baby steps: What defines us is how well we rise after falling […]

  19. […] recovery at wrong points with wrong goals and in wrong directions. And I fell and fell again. But I rose every single time after falling. It was the hardest thing to do not to surrender and say ‘fuck it – I can’t do […]

  20. […] Take the baby steps – but take them – Recovery is a very slow process and it needs a lot of patience and effort. But the hard work pays off eventually. […]

  21. […] Here’s ‘Take the Baby steps, but take them- What defines us is how well we rise after falling’ […]

  22. […] Baby Steps – Take them. What defines us is how well we rise after falling.  […]

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