29. August 2013 by swissfitchick
I know that this topic is not for everyone, but I still want to bring it up. Because – I think meditation is one of the main tools that makes my recovery going forward. I am a huge advocate that you can change almost everything about your life with your mind and thoughts. I am convinced, that a healthy mind creates a healthy body. And that’s why I meditate.
The worst in my Eating Disorder are the thoughts. It’s not the food, not the crazy exercising, not the bingeing or purging, it’s the thoughts. That’s where it all starts. Binges happen on days when I have negative thoughts. Thoughts that beat me up (‘you’re not good enough, you’re not perfect enough, you don’t do any progress, you ate too much, you look ugly’) and drag me down. Sometimes, I have days when I just feel sad. I don’t even know where it is coming from, but I just want to cry and I do cry over everything (talk about the computer is slow, I spill tea on my T-Shirt, I mess up my Make Up – I cry). Yup, these days happen and meanwhile, I am not ashamed anymore of those feelings, because I know I just have to accept them and stay calm and centered until they disappear again. Sometimes though I feel too overwhelmed and that’s when the danger of a binge comes in. I start to THINK that I should be happy and smiling everyday and that I am weak and lame for being so whiny.
I always struggled with these thoughts, they dominated my mind, they made me feel like I am pilot-controlled and not myself. The strongest of all was/is the ED voice – telling me to binge, then telling me I’d get fat, telling me to purge and exercise it all off. This voice accompanied me for so many years and put me through hell sometimes. I was a slave of my thoughts and they followed me all day long and at night in my dreams. It was until I told Markus about it and he suggested that I start meditating. He said, this way, I can dissociate myself from the thoughts and get centered. With meditating, I could train to stay calm and to figure out what these voices in my head actually are – thoughts. Nothing else. If I don’t listen to them, nothing happens. They are not my master or boss, they are rules that got created in my head and that are taking a big influence which is so unnecessary. No one needs to be the slave of his/her thoughts because we are independent human beings and we won’t get hurt if we don’t follow any food/ED or exercise rules.
It took me a while to get into meditation. I didn’t get it. I was impatient. I was too tired. I had so many excuses not to do it and without practicing, the result I wished for didn’t happen. I started and stopped again, over and over. Markus didn’t stop telling me that I need practice for it to create the effect. So in November 2011, I fully committed to meditation. Religiously, I sat down 15 minutes every morning. No excuse was good enough for me to skip and even though I was discouraged once in a while, I stuck to it. 3 months later, my thoughts started to change and some big steps happened throughout the whole year of 2012 in recovery. Not only did my ED thoughts calm down, I also got a lot more relaxed about everything I did. I do not feel guilty anymore if I don’t accomplish my To Do list as planned (I don’t really make To Do lists anymore). I don’t beat myself up if I don’t look as I wish for on a given day. I don’t stress around to have an ‘exciting life’ – if boring evenings and quiet weekends are what I need, then I am fine with that. A LOT of all this pressure got off me since I meditate. Many of the ED thoughts disappeared. I don’t freak out if I have a slip up (small binge), or if I feel too full after a meal – I know it will go away. I look forward, not back. If something negative happened, I try to forget it and move on, letting bad memories go. If the thoughts creep in, I am AWARE of it. Which is probably the main focus in meditation – being Aware of what’ s happening. Distinguish thoughts from reality. I do so much better in letting go off thoughts that make me miserable or that drag me down. I am so much better in seeing the positive in everything I do and enjoying and appreciating what I have in life. And MOST importantly – I learned better to live and savor the MOMENT – not the future and not the past, but the present.
I switch the way of meditation up every day. Sometimes I use affirmations. Sometimes I just do a quite meditation with no mantra or anything at all. Sometimes I need a guided session or music. Just what I feel like, but I appreciate these 15 minutes as my very exclusive ME time in the morning to just sit and breathe. No thoughts, no duties, no to do list, no disruption. I am not meditating successfully every day, many many times my thoughts fly around everywhere and I can not stay calm. But I stick to it. I stay seated and I finish my meditation. The changes are seen in my every day life, not IN the meditation itself. Practising to be centered, calm and away from the ego and its thoughts makes a big difference throughout the day. I can DEFINITELY tell when I did not meditate in the morning. I know that meditation isn’t something everyone wants to do – for me, it is a tool that changed my life and I can only recommend it!
If you struggle where to start – I sometimes use my APPS on my iPhone to be guided:
…and there are a lot more to be found in the App Store!
Interesting articles about Meditation:
Obviously, also the celebrities are into Meditation🙂
Do you have experiences with Meditation?
What do you do to calm yourself down?
What is your favorite way to relax?