25. July 2013 by swissfitchick

In the bad phases of my Eating Disorder, I did not drink coffee or tea in the morning like normal people do. I drank a sip of water, paired with a cocktail of pills. Included were appetite suppressers and metabolic boosters, diuretics and laxatives. To eliminate the side effects of these pills, I added a medicine against headache, guarana and medicine against stomachache. A big, colorful pile of pills went down every morning. Why? Because ironically, they made me feel skinnier. I say FEEL, because they never really made me any skinnier. But they made me feel ’empty’ which I associated with skinny. So wrong.

I am not sure how I started to learn about this stuff. I just know that someday I was addicted and I had to take more and more since my body got used to it and the reactions weren’t as ‘expected’ anymore, so I had to increase the dose. DANGEROUS.
My personal trainer did not get tired of telling me that I should STOP IMMEDIATELY taking this crab and that it is NOT good for me and my body and that it is dangerous. I would not listen. I kept on swallowing  and increasing.

Of course, my body started to protest and sent signals, that it suffers. I had low blood pressure, dizziness, headaches, stomach cramps, a bloated belly after every meal and  shortage of breath while my workouts. I was ravenous all the time because my body could not hold on the nutrients nor absorb them. The day came, when I fainted. I fainted a lot when I was anorectic, and always had low blood pressure, but I knew it was because of the cocktail. This is when I decided to talk to my doctor about it. He had no idea I was doing this and you can guess he was really upset and worried. Though it was clear, it would be difficult to go off the pills without professional help because of relapsing. So he sent me to a clinic, where I was to stay for 2 months for community detoxification. It was horrible. I did get off the stuff, but probably more because I just wanted to get out of there.

I relapsed. Sure I did, since nobody offered aftercare operations and I slid right back into my old habits.
The year after, I was at the same point again. The symptoms came back and I felt so shabby. So I went cold turkey with the diuretics and the appetite suppressers. It took my body about 2 weeks to balance things out. 2 weeks. Amazing. 2 weeks is NOTHING if you consider for how long I’d taken the pills. The 2 weeks were difficult, a mental battle and I felt awful, but it was SO worth to hold it out. Slowly but surely my body took over the work again and I felt 1000x better, had glowing skin, tight muscles and energy. I knew, I would never go back again and because I did the detox MYSELF and not because of the expectation of doctors, I was proud and I did not relapse.

Except with the laxatives. My digestive system was so dependent on them, it wouldn’t work by itself anymore. I knew that going off them would take much longer for my body to recover and I was terrified. It took me 2 more years until I finally stopped. That was in the beginning of June this year. Yes. 7 weeks back from now. So what I can say today is – I AM CLEAN. I am not taking ANY pill anymore and it will stay like this, I know it.

It isn’t so easy for my body to recover from years of laxative abuse and I must say, some days are rough. And it will definitely take a lot more time until my digestive system is back to normal again. The upsides?
I feel so MUCH better. My Body finally gets the time to absorb all the nutrients before they are all ‘artificially flushed’ out like they used to with the laxatives. I am a healthy eater, so I can definitely see the benefits now. All my cellulite is gone. My skin is tight and glowing, not dry, flabby and pale anymore. My muscles are more defined (not as much as I wish them to be. But that is not because of the laxatives and I am still working on that with baby step progress. All fine. ) I am not as bloated as I used to – still sometimes, but as said – these are the consequences of the abuse. I sleep better and my nails and hair are stronger.

So here you have it – the longer I took this stuff, the more it turned my body into something I never wanted it to be. It only made everything worse, while I thought it would help me looking skinny.
I feel so proud and happy that I went through this detoxification which certainly wasn’t easy, but I sweat it out. I was so determined to my wish to be clean and I am today, at least physically. It will still need some time until I am mentally ‘detoxed’ from ‘Eating Disorder Thoughts’, but I will get there too one day.

No questions today, thank you for listening! And of course – I would love to hear your thoughts.



Related articles:

Cleansing and an Eating Disorder

Never let it dominate your life.

Who is responsible?

The Point of no return


34 thoughts on “CLEAN

  1. Giving you the biggest hug, high five, squeeze, etc… right now! Words can’t even describe how very proud of you I am, Lucie. Everyday you show major improvements, and everyday you are kicking this ED you once had right in the booty. Continue doing what your doing, and there’s no doubt in my mind that you won’t continue coming out stronger than ever ❤ ❤

  2. Wow Lucie – sending you the biggest hug! You are so strong, and you have travelled so far on your journey to recovery. I am so proud for you that you can now say you are clean – and that you did it all with your own willpower. I have no doubt that you will Carry on being such an amazing and inspiring person 🙂 Thank you for being brave and sharing this x

  3. Danielle says:

    I am so proud of you!!!! Sending you so much love and hugs! You are such an amazingly strong person for getting through all of this and so brave for sharing your story with us all! Love you bunches! XO

  4. This is such a raw, honest post, I absolutely love it. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to get yourself detoxed from the pills…especially the last of them, the laxatives. When you are so accustomed to doing it and it becomes a part of your daily routine and life, it’s hard to fight against that. I’m so, so, so happy for you and proud of you for being able to do it! (All on your own, too!) Great job and truly a good motivator for those who doubt their abilities and own strength!

  5. What a huge accomplishment, Lucie! I had no idea of your previous struggles and I’m so glad that you are clean. You’re an inspiration… hugs to you!

  6. So proud of you for getting away from all those pills! I’ve always thought they were so, so damaging. Be proud of yourself love, that’s an incredible accomplishment.

  7. Sarah says:

    Wow, you can be so proud of yourself! Keep the good work! Yo^’re beautiful and way stronger than any pill/meds will let you feel. Such an inspiring, honest post.

  8. I had no idea you had such a struggle. You are so gorgeous – inside and out. No need for all that stuff. Congrats for doing the work and getting through it! Defintiely a big accomplishment! 🙂

  9. Way to do it for all the right reasons – for YOU!!! good job!

  10. Way to do it for all the right reasons – YOU!!! good job

  11. YAY! You go GIRLFRIEND! I knew you had it in you + I know how much BETTER you must feel now that you have all that JUNK flushed out! I know some days are hard but remember YOUR BODY LOVES YOU! Sending you lots of FUN TIMES this weekend with lots of great workouts + even BETTER FOOD! xoxox LOVE + SHINE CourtStar

  12. […] Lucie – “After more than 10 years of being on and off dangerous diet pills like appetite supressers, diuretics, metabolic boosters and especially laxatives I am finally CLEAN. The laxatives were the most difficult part and 7 weeks ago I threw them in the trash and did not touch them anymore. I feel 1000x better, my body is full of energy and my skin is tight and glowing. But most importantly I was and am strong enough to drop them and get clean.” (You can read more about Lucie’s story here) […]

  13. […] not least, I am going to toot my own horn and promote yesterday’s post in which I tell you about my diet-pills addiction and  how I got off them end detoxed. It is something that was a long long struggle for me and only […]

  14. sloanepitman says:

    Oh Lucie! You are so brave! Thank you for opening up about this aspect of your disorder. I was addicted to laxatives for a while too–its awful. There’s such a taboo around talking about the diet pills part of EDs, but its much more prevalent and dangerous than people think. Thank you for being courageous enough to start a conversation. You are amazing, and I’m so proud of all the amazing progress you’ve made. Being clean totally and completely is a huge step. If you ever need anything, I’m here for you! LOVE YOU, GIRL.
    Seriously. You never cease to inspire and amaze me. xoxo

    • Thank you so much Sloane for this awesome comment. And you are right, it is a taboo and I am so sure that I am not the only one with this! I totally hope that people who are still taking this sh***t see that it is SO damaging!!

  15. […] am  superthrilled how my nails are growing and how strong they are. Since getting off the laxatives, they finally start to look and be healthy!! They used to be paper-thin and I could just rip them […]

  16. […] and lifts me up, back to real life, where I am not a failure and where food is good. No purging, no pills, no starving, no […]

  17. […] with a nutrtionist and doctor who analyzed my digestive system to make sure it recovers from long lasting laxative abuse. Last week I made a blood test to figure out if there’s any food I’m reacting sensitive […]

  18. […] This one is one that I only recovered from a few months back. It took me a permanent treatment in a clinic, several relapses, lies (I lied to many people that I’m not taking pills anymore) and a lot of patience. But it’s one that I profit the most health-wise, cause I feel so so much better without them. I also LOOK so much better without them. I literally ‘rejuvenated’ my appearance by a couple of years when my body recovered from all the substances. You can read about the whole story here. […]

  19. […] I do look back. To the times when my morning ‘coffee’ was a handful of fun colored pills. When being around food was a torture. When weekends on my own were dominated by binges and purges. […]

  20. […] CLEAN – Cold Turkey from the pills. […]

  21. Lucie I know I am so late in reading this but I just read this and HAVE to comment because I am going through the pills detox right now… wow, we are truly sisters like in so many ways. I started taking all the same pills you mentioned back in 1999 and have basically been on/off of them since. I had 2 years of binge/purge recovery but still took the pills so of course I relapsed last year because I always felt addicted! and my mind was racing all the time out of control. My moods were CRAZY and I was either joyful or a devil bitch. The same with the laxatives, I’ve been taking Swisskriss since 1999 and seriously have only given my body a few months break from them ever since. I really want to be free – I have been off of the diet pills since July 11, which is a few weeks now, and feel SO much better! my mind is more clear and I feel more calm. but I am nervous about the cleansing pills… of course I know this is necessary, I am going to get off of them. Wow, I wish I could talk to you for hours, we have so much in common. Thank you for sharing your life, you are seriously helping people more than you know 🙂

  22. […] it. So I binged. For a solid 6 months I binged daily, secretly, and obsessively. I purged and took my pill cocktail, I did excessive workouts in panic of gaining weight. I felt like a TRUCK of external control took […]

  23. […] opinion, I was recovered. I found a pretty good balance with workouts and food – but I still took all the pills. Laxatives, Diuretics, illegal metabolic boosters, appetite surpressors and all the other shit to […]

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