16. May 2013 by swissfitchick
Such a simple quote, yet not the easiest to do. I remember the beginning and the depth of my anorexia, I literally lived for the reason to getting skinnier. It was the only thing that mattered.
There was one thing, my parents always taught me and my brother: Life is short – live it. Smile, don’t stop believing, treat others with respect and always cultivate your friendships. Even in my worst phases, I never forgot about that. And I always practiced it, even though being caught in several phases of different eating disorders.
I might have almost lost a few friends because of some trouble boyfriends I had in my life, but never because of my eating disorder. I am happy to say that living, family and my friends were always more important than my weight in the end.
I know it was not always easy for them and still isn’t. But I always made my best to be a good friend, a good daughter and a good sister. The last I wanted, was that my Eating Disorder pulls my environment down too. It had my thoughts, my emotions, my body and my soul – never ever would it get my loved ones.
When I turned 35 last week, I reflected a bit on my past. I read so many stories of women (I never read a story of a man so far) who suffered from Eating Disorders for years and really lost everything. Job, friends, home, family. This breaks my heart. I know how cruel the disease is, and I know that it can take everything from you. I am glad and proud to say, that despite all my downs, all my fights and through all these years, I always believed in life. I never gave up and I never stopped smiling. I didn’t give up my relationships – all my friendships last since years. I had a job and I lived my dreams – I lived and worked in the Philippines and I lived and worked in Berlin. I partied, danced, cried, laughed, talked, worked, wrote, ran, took risks and adventures – and I never regret it.
It was the reason, why many people were extremely surprised when I outed about my Eating Disorder. WHAT, YOU?! Yes, me. The smiling happy Lucie. Obviously a few of these smiles were fake – but heck, they kept me strong and surviving while battling.
I don’t want to sound like a preacher, but – I can only recommend to have fun in life and live it – no matter what. My Dad left us at an age of 55. He was full of vital force, dreams and joy, but it was not meant to be longer than that. We never know what life has in store for us, so try not to let an Eating Disorder dominate it. There is so much beauty and fun we can experience in life, and there is so much we can miss if we don’t look at it. It’s not worth it. Even if we still struggle – and I definitely STILL struggle a LOT – we need to slap this ED in the face, turn away and take a step forward. BECAUSE it is worth it.
What makes you smile?
Tell me one thing that makes your day beautiful!!