Thankful Thursday #17 – Have a little……Patience

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28. February 2013 by swissfitchick

Good morning friends!

After the WIAW Party we know what follows – the wonderful Thankful Thursday camapign hosted by the as wonderful Jessie.

Before I get to the actual subject of that post, I want to say, how thankful I am to have found such a good friend in Jessie. We both did not have the best day yesterday and we chatted on and off throughout the day. Besides supporting each other we had some good laughs. Really, I sat in front of my PC grinning and bursting all over the place, it was hilarious. This really made my day. Jessie and me never met before (yet!!) but I trust in her like a trust a really good friend and sometimes it just feels better to talk to somebody who is far away. I don’t know, but it’s just that.

So now on to my other thankful which is patience.

If you’re not a fan of Take That, sorry – I am not a ‘fan’ either, but I really love a few songs and this one is one of them.

Patience is hard. For me. I can be SO patient with friends, family etc. but I am NOT patient with myself. It needed SUCH a long time (read….16 years) to realize, that it is patience what I need to recover. That it is patience what makes progress – not only in recovery but in everything I want to achieve. That I need patience to stay steady and stable and able to take steps forward rather than backward. Everytime I was impatient I fell. Everytime I beat myself up for not being fast enough, for ‘you should be much further by today. Your progress is lacking you should have achieved your goal way before today’ – I took steps backward.

patience-quote

Example. When you read my blog the past few weeks, you know that I didn’t have the best time. I was in a funk and felt sluggish, low energy, a bit depressed. I wasn’t happy feeling like this, but most of all, I wasn’t happy THAT I felt that way. Even though I am used to this winterblues, it returns regularly every year in January/February. Speaking of this timing, I have to say this was my best year so far. I experienced a wonderful and peaceful December probably the first time since years. I did not have trouble with relapses because of cookie overload or because of other triggers around. The funk came way later, which means I kept up much longer this winter. BUT. When it hit, I started to unlike myself. I hated myself for not being as energized, for being scared of starting the day because I feared that I wouldn’t make it through. I could hardly get up in the morning (which is unusual since I am an early bird) and the only thing I wished for was to curl up under my blankets and sleep.

Darf-ich-im-Bett-bleiben-a23067112

I forced myself to be different than sluggish. I forced myself to be perfect no matter how I feel. I wanted to be the smiling, cheerful girl I am under ‘normal’ circumstances. I wanted to do as many things in one day as I usually do. I wanted to hit all the workouts I can, even though my body screamed for rest. I did not adapt my schedule to my state, I did not listen to my heart and my body who begged me to slow down, because they were tired from all the darkness and cold and the busy days. They were weak from my beat.

Beforeyoutalklisten

Since I still didn’t listen and my Ego stayed stubborn and impatient with myself, a reaction had to happen. I relapsed. Not one time. Two times. Not huge relapses. Nothing happened to my body except that I felt even worse. Β BUT they were a signal. A signal for me to open my eyes, to wake up. Like the buddhitsts say: ‘Wake up to live fully and passionately’.

I went to talk to my therapist. I was SO scared that everything comes back in it’s fully strength and that my recovery work is spoiled. This is what happens to me so many times. Especially when I had a relapse. When I am in this circle, I am CONVINCED that my life is over. That it can’t be any worse. That I won’t be able to go to work the next day and somehow the world will fall apart. This might sound crazy, but it’s like I say. I have these really irrational fears which scare me to death. If I would think with my rational mind of course I knew that it’s nonsense. But the vicious cycle keeps me captivated. – Please don’t worry – these fears last for a few hours maximum, mostly only for 30 minutes or so. The moment I connect with the ‘real’ life (going to the supermarket, call a friend) I am back and know that everything will be allright.

Amazingly enough I realize that I ALWAYS forget, that this is not true. The fears, the bad days, the funks – everything passes. The good will come. Just be patient. I was SO many times attacked by a blues, I had a bad day or maybe 2, but they always passed. The point was ALWAYS, to be patient and to hold it out. Not to stress over it, not to try to make it go away, but to FACE it, observe it, accept it and wait until it’s gone.

patience

As soon as I try to fight it, I fall. If feelings like self-doubts, anxiety, sadness, loss or depression arise, it is a sign. A sign that something needs special care. I need to sit still and listen and observe and I will see what I need. Fighting it down makes it even worse. Why do I keep forgetting that??

My key is meditation. Here, I practise inner peace, patience and the connection to my inner guide. Daily.

Bena 2013 060

My progress here is, that I get out of the cycle or of the blues much faster and better than in the past. Since I face the emotions and handle them differently and with more patience, I am far faster happy again than before. So since last week, after Carneval, I am finding my way back to myself. I feel the energy is coming back. Winter is still here with all the cold and and grey, snow and rain, but I feel lighter. Knock on wood it stays like this, but on the other hand – aren’t these experiences the ones that teach us new lessons about life and ourselves? I appreciate them even though they might be hard. What does not kill me makes me stronger.

Back to smile

Back to smile

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Are you a patient person?Β 

Did you ever experience a winterblues?Β 

xxx

Lucie

20 thoughts on “Thankful Thursday #17 – Have a little……Patience

  1. Nadja says:

    Lucie it’s been suuuuch a long time! I’m totally sorry that i haven’t commented your blog for so long (i know nothing forces me to but i really like doing it)! Buuut don’t worry i read every post! It’s just that starting a new semester was much more stressful than what i thought! I only have 17 hours of classes a week (10 less than the last semester yaaay) but a LOT of work to do besides my classes so i kind of decided to make it a priority, but i’m still reading every post don’t worry πŸ˜‰
    I’m glad you’re feeling better! I have these winterblues every year (and very often more than once a year), and i even have spring blues, summer blues well as everyone (i think) i’m having some moments when i’m not feeling well and i’m tired and under the weather. I’m experiencing this right now, and as you juste wrote, patience is the key! I try not to force myself to be “perfect” and sometimes you just have to make some concessions. When i’m feeling down, i try to take time for me and for things that make you happy: meditating, having lunch or a drink with a friend, watching a movie on the couch, going for a swim etc… of course it’s hard but it’s all i can do. Thanks for that amazing post! Give you lots of hugs! xoxo

    • Oh Nadja, thank you soooo much!!! You know I am thrilled by every comment but I also know that you have a busy studylife! So I appreciate it even more.
      I am ‘glad’ that I am not the only one, yet I am sorry that you go through these funks too! It sounds though that you realize what is best for you when these up- and downturns arise. Keep it up, big hug back!! xxxx

  2. Greta says:

    Oh, my beautiful. You are great. Winter blues? Gosh, I live in a poor country, where winters last for 5 and more months – no sun, sad people, and ED on the top of that!! SO WHAT? I think it’s normal to have good days and bad days and wonderful days. And cry or curse or stay in bed for the whole day (but not longer!) Yes, I’m not patient. I’m in recovery for two fucking years (sorry) and sometimes I feel like I’m stuck. And again – SO WHAT? I’m still better than I was two years ago. Holly cow – I’m WAY better. So I’ll enjoy that rather than have the pity party for myself – which I do have. I’m a human πŸ˜‰

    Anyways, I’m happy you are smiling again. You are doing great. Greater. That’s it. Let’s celebrate that!! πŸ˜‰

  3. cleanfoodcreativefitness says:

    Love you Lucie! You are such a strong woman and it is so inspiring that you are sharing your journey through this blog! I totally agree with you about patience. I am such a patient person for everyone but myself so I think it’s time I show myself some love too πŸ™‚

  4. Patience, with myself AND with others, is definitely something that I need to work on for self-improvement and for greater mental health! Having more patience would certainly strengthen my relationship with others, as well.

    LOVE all of your smiling pictures. You look gorgeous and happy :).

  5. I coudn’t agree more patience is so hard for me. I think it is that process of just being in my skin fully and completely and ok with that. A work in progress for sure

  6. Oh hun, I can relate so much to feeling completely off around this time of the year. For whatever reason, it’s been particularly difficult for me this year too, and I find myself in a goofy funk that I just can’t seem to shake. I do my best not to beat myself up and try to keep in mind that these days will pass and better ones will come, but sometimes it can be really hard. Spring is coming, though, and you’ll be back to your happy self in no time πŸ™‚

  7. TRomagna says:

    I really appreciate what you wrote here. I can totally relate to everything and you made me aware of things I need to work on for myself. Thank you for sharing

  8. […] gave me SO MUCH MORE freedom in my mind and my soul. Appreciating myself, my life and my health, being patient, being thankful and staying consistent with all of it made me move forward inΒ  big […]

  9. […] know. I wrote a post about patience with the exact same title almost exactly a year ago. But I felt that I needed to adress this subject once […]

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