Thankful Thursday #16 – couragous decisions

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21. February 2013 by swissfitchick

Hello my lovely readers!! It’s strange not being here for almost 3 days now, so it is nice to be back and to update you with all the things happening around here. So let’s celebrate Thankful Thursday thanks to the lovely hostess Jessie!

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Today I am thankful for courage. For MY courage.

As you know, carneval was happening in Basel this week, Mondaymorning 4 am till Wednesdaymorning 4 am. I am a member of carneval since I am a little child. I know the tradition very well and I always loved living in this light-hearted, jolly, crazy, fascinating and colorful world for 3 days. Nobody cares about work, duties, time, how you look (everyone looks pretty weird in all the fancy dresses) – it’s all about the tradition and about the fun. About being together and entertain each other or the visitors. It’s a life out on the streets for 3 days, and nights.

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I always enjoyed this to the fullest, until I started with my Eating Disorder. For an eating disorder, such circumstances are scaring. There is definitely no time to workout, there is hardly any healthy food, but loads of the ‘other’ food and alcohol. So for me, this happening turned into a hard time even though I never wanted that to happen and always fought to be able to enjoy it. And I never quit. I tried every year to dive into the fun again and to push away nasty thoughts. It is not even about weight gain. Since I walk more than any other time in the year, it is not very possible to put on weight. We walk 40 minutes with a 30 minutes break, walk 40 minutes, 30 minutes break WHILE playing. And this for 3 days from midday till the morning hours. This is how the schedule looks approximately. So there is definitely more food needed and besides that, my weight never changed because of these 3 days. But. It is such a huge step out of my comfort zone and it lasts for almost 4 days, which can be really exhausting. All that food around, a different routine/schedule, hardly any sleep. I always live at the place of my best friend at the time, which is wonderful as I just love to spend all that time with her and being around each other for half a week. But I am just not safe from nasty ED thoughts. There are so many triggers for me and I can not stay strong all the time. That means I DO overeat here and there with junk and the ED voice is trying to steer me right into a binge. The last few carnevals I had a great time on Monday, maybe also on Tuesday, but Wednesday I was SO tired and exhausted from trying to stay away from the thoughts and by trying to losen up and chill, that this last day was only a drag.

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So this year I decided to enjoy Mondaymorning, day and night to the fullest but then head back to Zurich to be safe. I know that walking away from the challenges won’t make it easier. But I am just not there yet. I already felt it in the one day, how huge the challenge is for me. I am taking baby steps and I am happy that I was there and enjoyed it, laughed, and was part of this fascinating crazy crowd. Yes, I do feel sad, that the Eating Disorder can actually command what I can do and what not. That I have to adapt my life to ‘triggers’. But it does not help to cling on these thoughts. I am who I am and I need to accept it and make the best out of it. So instead of forcing myself through things I am not ready for yet, I stay true to myself and do what’s best for me. And being part of the carneval, yet realizing where my limits are, is so right for me. It might be difficult for people around me at the carneval to understand and it is not easy for me either to explain, but it is ok for me. It took a lot of courage to bear the consequences but it feels so much better to decide for ME and what I need rather than for external expectations. I am also very thankful for my friend Sylvia, who showed so much patience and understanding for all this. We participated in carneval together for years and I felt so guilty to let her down. We talked a lot about it and this compromise of me being there 50% (instead of nothing at all) was coherent for both of us. I am so glad I have this support around me, it is SO helpful and makes all the issues so much easier.

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I took another challenge on Tuesday when I left Basel. I actually planned to do a killer workout when I come home to ‘rebuild the damage’.

Considering that 2 days of ‘other’ food and some drinks would change my body, this thought itself is so silly. Yes, I did eat a lot of bread, chocolate, cheese, and quite some drinks, but I wasn’t exaggerating at all. I surely felt bloated and tired, but that was it. So when I arrived in Zurich, I was beyond in a mood for a workout. So I relaxed. I put on homewear and enjoyed the silence in our appartment, cooked up some tea and read blogs. Cooked up a healthy delicious dinner, and even had a dessert (Cocoa-Almond-Frosting with Banana).

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Coconut-Egg-Omelette, greens sauteed in coconutmilk, smoked salmon

Coconut-Egg-Omelette, greens sauteed in coconutmilk, smoked salmon

THAT was staying out of the comfort zone for me again. I totally believe that it is necessary to step out once in a while. Even if it is only for a short time – I think it is the point of time when we can learn something new about us, when we see what we are capable of and when we realize how change looks like. I am the first who is scared to death to do it, but I know I need to go for it once in a while to actually make progress. And guess what….nothing happened. I did not wake up with 35kilos more, I did not look like a whale, and my fitness condition did not disappear just because I did not workout ‘properly’ for 2 days. Everything the same. All fine.

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So just a few impressions of this year’s blast. Please note: We are NOT allowed to chose our own costume. When you participate in a active group there is every year a subject of a news or headline – local or worldwide – which is presented with the lanterns, the costumes and the masks. So if you are irritated by my dress, I can tell you that I can totally relate. Sylvia and me could not handle it, we were laughing tears when we looked at each other. And every time when we had to take down the mask or take it on, it was a huge disaster till we were ready and I really had a stomachage from laughing so hard all the time. It all was totally comical and bizarre.

So Mondaymorning we got up at 2am to get ready. We were already in a hectic happy mood and I rocked Sylvia’s slippers…..

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Start of the carneval is 4am. The city is crowded and the best thig is a few seconds before it starts. All the groups are ready, correctly positioned, and all the visitors get really quiet. That’s amazing. Thousands of people, and it’s SILENT. And then, at 4 sharp, all the lights go out – and it starts.

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We had dinner at a restaurant with a buffet and I could grab some good fuel….

Turkeybreast, Steamed Salmon, Spinach, Stuffed Cannelloni with Spinach and Ricotta

Turkeybreast, Steamed Salmon, Spinach, Stuffed Cannelloni with Spinach and Ricotta

….some dessert was a must….

Cream Pie - saving the sugar frosting for the last!

Cream Pie – saving the sugar frosting for the last!

So today I am home and pretty happy even though I missed 2 days of the fun. I am ok with that – I will try again later. Ok?🙂

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Have a great Thursday friends!!

How do you realize when you are out of your comfort zone and how do you handle it?

Do you think it is good to leave the comfort zone once in a while?

I absolutely do. I think it is the only way to make a real change.

Do you workout intuitively? Restdays?

I go with a pretty strict plan = comfort zone. Another challenge to take!!

24 thoughts on “Thankful Thursday #16 – couragous decisions

  1. jessie says:

    I am seriously laughing so hard at your dresses.. even though I have already seen the photo before. This whole carnival event looks like so much fun! I totally wish we had something like that in Kuwait.. boo!!

    p.s. you are just way to cute, Lucie!! Oh & I wanted to tell you, I can’t get enough of those lifebars. Seriously, they are so stinking good.. oh and that vanilla chai you sent too!

    Just sent you an e-mail btw❤

  2. Well done Lucie, it sounds like you are working with your body and knowing your limits. Maybe next year you’ll stay there for longer, maybe not. What matters is that you were in control and nice to your body! Your costumes look so funny, carnival sounds amazing!

  3. “So instead of forcing myself through things I am not ready for yet, I stay true to myself and do what’s best for me.” <- OMG, LOVE THIS!!!! You were so right to do what you did in this situation. There is absolutely NO SHAME in knowing your limits. You know what they say…Rome wasn't built in a day…and recovery doesn't happen overnight! Honestly, I can't see how anyone would be able to handle the entire event without feeling like total crap afterwards…especially on that last day! I'm so glad you were able to join in on some of the fun, but also stay true to yourself and listen to your body!

    I'm definitely a "winger" when it comes to working out. I used to have a pretty set schedule, but then, if I skipped a workout I would start feeling guilty and start comparing myself to others (NOT GOOD!) so I backed off a little. Then the whole thing with my knee happened and now I just WISH I could get back in the gym 5-6 days a week like I used to! I started feeling better and not having any pain for like a week so I figured I was ready for a good workout on Monday…well, I guess I wasn't because later that night it swelled back up and started hurting. My follow-up appointment with the doc is tomorrow (or I guess I should say later today) so hopefully he can help!

    • Oh thank you so much girl!!! Yup, it needs a lot of time and i start to accept that and take it.
      Oh yes, I did read about your knee story so annoying!! I totally hope that the doctor appointment will bring good news!
      And I know what you mean with comparing. Comparing is nEVER good. I had to stop that too, since it only makes me feel miserable! We just need to do what’s best for us, right?? xxx

  4. cleanfoodcreativefitness says:

    Looks like a blast! I love that you did step out of your comfort zone and hope you enjoyed your time. I also think it’s great that you knew what you were capable of handling and removed yourself from the situation when it got to be too much! That shows true connection to yourself and your mind and I love how aware you are now of your needs!!! You are awesome!

  5. It looks like you had a great time AND some seriously awesome food!! How fun🙂.

    Oh, and I think that I really NEED those slippers😉. I am loving them!

  6. Greta says:

    You are my heroine, Lucie! I want to hug and kiss and congratulate of fighting your daemons, on LIVING!! Gosh, I’ve missed out on so much during those horrid ED years. I’m glad you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone. You are awesome.
    And beautiful, as despite of any of your concerns and those funny outfits (which made me LOL so many times) your smile overtakes the pictures and shines beauty out of them.
    So high five for good times and I’m so happy you are back blogging!

  7. You absolutely rocked it this year, Lucie! I think it’s super important to step out of your comfort zone every now and again, but not if it means pushing yourself so far that the whole thing ends up backfiring on you. I love how you went and had a great first day, but then did what was best for you and skipped out on the rest. Honestly? As fun as that festival sounds, I doubt that I’d be able to last more than a day or two – that much craziness would probably overload my poor mind. Love your costume though😉

    • Thank you so much Hunn. It needed quite a bit of a kick in my butt to commit to the decision but once it was made I felt so much better. And YES, the three whole days AND nights are truly hard – everyone feels exhausted!

  8. kepotts says:

    Wow, so neat to read this & experience Carneval vicariously through you! I’m glad you were able to enjoy it even thought there were some tough thoughts plaguing you. I hope as time goes on, you remember the fun you had & not the struggles🙂 Stretching outside of our comfort zones is truly how we best grow, not to say it’s not a tough thing to do!

    • Thank you Katie!!! I thinkit was the best version I could do. I did not miss out the fun, but I still listened to myself. I definitely hope that the good memories will win, heck, I am sure!

  9. good for you. things like this are what we need to do, step out of our comfort zone and really enjoy life again. I am so proud of you and boy does this look like a blast

  10. Julie says:

    I have a relatively strict plan as well and am slowly changing it up.

  11. […] of all, thank you SO much for all the sweet and beautiful comments on yesterday’s post. I appreciate each one of them and it makes me feel SO GOOD to have all this support around me! […]

  12. This sounds like an absolute blast and such a cool experience! And even better, you recognized your limits and did what’s best for you – there will always be another time… Way to go girl!

  13. […] people downtown at Basler Fasnacht, aka Carneval. You remember – I wrote about it the past few years and most presumably the major part of you think I am completely nuts for being part of […]

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