29. November 2012 by swissfitchick
Good morning! Today’s already Thankful Thursday #5!! Thanks to Jessie – thank you so much for hosting!!
Today are 2 things I want to write down which I am thankful for.
First one is – I am thankful for last night! Even though I am SO tired this week and kind of sluggish, I had a great night out with my friend Tina. We studied together at the school for social work and also absolved the bachelor thesis together. I love hanging out with her, we’ve got so much in common and it’s always fun! This time we went to a ballett show, which was really cool. It was very modern, but I liked it a lot!
So, I was very thankful we had a yummy dinner before the show began – big salad bowl with all kind of veggies, tuna and beef.
I am thankful that we had perfect seats!! We sat on the balcony with a lot of space for our legs, nobody in front of us and very comfortable seats.
I am thankful that we pre-ordered Prosecco so it was all ready when we came out at the break!!
I am thankful I got to see that great show! Fantastic dancers dancing in red high heels…..
…..more fantastic dancers with no shirt…..(!!:-))
When I came home I wanted to curl up right into bed, but I stayed up a little bit and prepared my meals for today. I am on a good track currently and do not want to ruin it with take away fast food. I did easy and quick stuff done in 15 minutes! Breakfast: grated apple with protein powder, chia seeds and 1/2 avocado. Lunch: roasted greens with 1 egg, 2 eggwhites, 1/2 avocado.
I am thankful that I went for a swim this morning, it was SO good and now I feel fresh and clean!!
I am thankful that this week is almost over! It has been quite rough. Nothing really happened, I just felt a bit dull and shaky. Probably it was because of the weather, it’s really just raining since 4 days in a row now and it’s SO dark all the time. I had a lot on my plan which exhausts me especially when it’s cold and the only thing I want is to be home and warm. Normally I go out only about 2 times a week, but this week everything came at the same time. All these events were fantastic and still will be fun, but I am just so useless when I do not get enough sleep. Tonight I’ll go out with a bunch of girls again, which I am very much looking forward too, but I will be happy too when it’s weekend soon.
I also wasn’t feeling too well physically, I had stomach woes and – even though I lost weight – I felt too big. It was a week when I break out in tears just because I drop something on the floor or because I can not find my phone for 5 minutes. But I know that such days are part of my life and that they will go over. I managed it well this week and kept faith that the world will not end because of my sluggish feeling 🙂
Especially in such times I am SO thankful to have Sandro on my side. He is so amazing.
Fact is, that I am a great communicater. I can talk to anyone I am not shy and I mostly know in every situation what to say. BUT. There’s a big BUT. When I have bad days – ED thoughts, self-doubts, bad mood, sadness, whatever – I back out totally from everyone especially privately. I am always the same in my job – professional, smiling, neat. But I don’t talk to ANYONE about what’s really going on. Sandro realizes immediately when something is wrong, but I don’t talk to him. I turn completely to my inside and fight it all alone. I do talk when it’s over – with Sandro, Mum, friends – but I did never ever call anyone in the moment I was actually IN it. I just can’t. And so far it worked for me. Sure, I feel lonely and I AM lonely in these moments, but I think it’s just what I want to be then.
When my dad got seriously sick from cancer the first time, I was only 12 years old. I never ever talked to anyone about my fear to lose him. About my anxiety to seeing him suffering. I went on as usual, I did not want to face it. I went to school, did my homework, played with friends – just like nothing happened. I did not want to make even more trouble as I knew this was a heavy burden for my parents. And I just did not want to speak out those words like ‘cancer’ or ‘death’ – I was terrified, that it would get real when I’d say it out loud This was the first time I had to deal with destiniy and fears and it was just the way I wanted it to handle: on my own. Today it’s maybe more the reason that I do not want to bother anyone with my worries. But it’s definitely also the reason that I have the urge to be on my own and to deal with it alone. It just works for me. For Sandro this is difficult. He is a very caring (can you say that?) person and he would do anything for me to feel better. But I would not let him. Meanwhile he can accept that I want to be left alone and coping with it on my own. Eventually, I will come out of my cave and will talk. I think we can handle that meanwhile pretty well, but it was hard. This detachement I sent out was not easy to cope with for Sandro. I was able to explain him my thoughts and anxieties though when I was not confronted by them and in a ‘clean’ state, so he knew what’s going on.
I am just so thankful that he is able to deal with all of that and still loves me. This is the most wonderful gift in the world.
Yesterday he sent me an email full of pictures of the places in the U.S. we will get to see on our holiday in June!! Sweet!!
Have a great Thursday!!!
What are you thankful for today?
Is it easy for you to talk about yourself and your emotions?