When I was little……

19

January 11, 2013 by swissfitchick

When I was little, I had no idea what a diet is. I didn’t even know that food could change your body in any way. I was fed by my parents with good and healthy food, with sugar here and there to treat us, but food was mainly there to satisfy our hunger and in order to grow. When it was breakfast time, we had breakfast, a snack at mid morning and lunch for lunch. Because it felt right. We had to eat so we had energy to go back playing in the garden. I never ate because I felt angry, sad or depressed.

2013-01-10 09.44.23

When I was little, I was happy when it was christmastime, because that meant, that Santa Clause would visit us, that we would bake a lot with Mom, that we could craft presents by ourselves and celebrate the christmasdays with the family. Christmas wasn’t about too many cookies, about the fear of gaining weight, about an ‘After-Christmas-Cleanse’ or about workouts on christmasday. It was about being together, feeling HOME and warm, about sleeping in, giving presents, being excited about the christmastree and about singing songs.

2013-01-10 09.59.10

When I was little and felt sick, or tired, I would rest. I did not run around because I ‘had to’, I did not play or riding the bike to stay active. I listened to my body and did what it told me. Ok, maybe not always. I never ever forget, when I was totally desperate, because I wanted to go to school so badly, but I was sick. My Mom told me:’ Your body is tired and unhappy. It says, that it need rest and you can’t play around now.’ I said: ‘But I did not hear my body saying anything!’ – well my Mom was so right and most of the time I listened.  I did what my body was asking for, and not what my mind told me.

2012-12-17 10.40.10

There was a day, when that changed completely. It did not happen from one day to the other, it creeped in, slowly. But finally, my mind took over the control. My Ego was bigger than anything what you would call inner peace. How that happened and what happened after, is another post.

Anyway, from this day on my naive but pure children mind was gone and the fight started.

17281064,9534813,dmFlashTeaserRes,teaser-essst%C3%B6rung

When I look at children today, I can not help but wish for their pureness. They live in the very moment. When they play, the play. When they eat, they eat. When they look at a picturebook, that is the only thing on their mind. Whatever they do, it’s the most important thing in THAT very moment. No planning, no worrying. Well, I know that we can not remain children for all our lives and I am very very thankful for all the experience I was given through these 34 years of my life. Even though there were a lot difficult ones – they only made me stronger and made me the woman I am today. But I try every day to win back some of this easiness and especially to just accept the body as my body and not as an object that should be judged or changed or hated.

16

Today, as a’grown-up’, I might still focus too much on food and how my body is supposed to look like. I might still plan my meals very detailed and not listen carefully enough to what my body actually is craving. I might workout too much even though my body needs a rest.

But I also realize, that in my recovery I slowly, slowly get the focus back – with the help of meditation, awareness and patience. A lot of patience. The focus on life. The awareness of the beauty that is happening around me. The focus on precious moments. The awareness of my body and all its beauty and capability. The focus and awareness of Love – Love for my family, my man, my friends and for ME.

What are your most precious children memories?

Have a fantastic start into the weekend friends!

xxx

Lucie

19 thoughts on “When I was little……

  1. Lucie this is such a wonderful post and was a joy to read this morning. Maybe i’m wrong but I think society’s reaction to eating has also changed – it is now ‘ok’ to comment on people’s weight/food habits in a way we didn’t in the past. Diet stories make up a huge amount of women’s magazines and newspaper supplements, why aren’t they focusing on achieving something other than a number on the scale? Inner peace, career, learning new skills. When I’m busy and exploring something new my eating is so much less regimented and conscious – I eat what I want, when I’m hungry. Not – as you say – for comfort. Such a great post Lucie!

    • Thank you so much for your comment Claire. I am with you, that society’s reaction have changed and I also think it is a big deal of money. Even myself spent a beyond hilarious amount of money to look like the girls in the magazines.
      I totally adore you that you focus on what you want to explore and not on a diet or something like this!!!

  2. Nadja says:

    This is such an amazing post Lucie, and it brought me so much emotions even if i can’t relate to everything you’ve been through! Yes when you’re a child you don’t think about all these things. Sadly we have to grow up one day and we can’t live like this forever. But what we need is finding balance and being happy with what we have, with our body. You’re a really strong woman and i’m sure you’re going to recover completely. Wish you all my best and good luck for this :)

  3. Greta says:

    This is such a beautiful post, Lucie! It has touched the depths of my soul.

    You were so pretty. You still are and it’s sad to read about the imposed opinion about how one should look screws the precious soul of a young woman who just wants to be happy (happier).
    I get you when you speak about the journey to your true self. I know it so well, and knowing that it might be endless makes it easier and more outright.
    You are a true motivator to me and probably many others who seek that freedom from an eating disorder cells. I know that speaking about it is not so easy, but it’s courageous and beyond inspiring.

    Thank you so much, for this post.
    xo

    • Thank you SO much Greta. It’s been a hard journey and still is for us, but on the other hand it gives us so much strength and knowledge about ourselves. Like this, we can even more appreciate what we had and were as a child and what we have become today.

  4. cleanfoodcreativefitness says:

    This is beautiful Lucie. I think we all need to get back to this state of childhood intuition again! You are so inspiring :)

  5. I have to agree, I remember when I didn’t care what I did or what I ate. it was all just going with the flow and wanting what I wanted in the moment. to get back to that is hard when you get older, there are so many influences of you

  6. pickyrunner says:

    This is all so powerful. I feel the exact same way. I’m not sure when the switch happened for me from that carefree child who could eat a bowl of goldfish after school, pizza and cheetos at lunch, a huge bowl of ice cream after dinner…sometimes I miss those days. I wonder why it’s so difficult to get back to it.

    • I miss them too! I think we are influenced by so many factors around us and the media is pushing everything even more. It is important to go back to our inner child and listen!

  7. This was -such- a beautiful post, Lucie. I often wish that I could go back to the carefree innocence of my childhood days, when I didn’t care about anything except playing outside and making sure I always knew where my favorite teddy was. One thing that actually really helped me in recovery was to think about my 5 year old self whenever I was struggling and ask myself if I would put her through what I was putting myself through. Would I make her run on the treadmill until she felt like she was going to die? Would I tell her that she couldn’t eat when she was hungry? Never… it kind of made it a bit easier to stop doing those things to myself as well.

    Hope you’re having a beautiful Friday, love <3

    • I love that, thank you Amanda! What a great point to think about us as the 5 year old. I will remember that. Never ever would I put this girl into states like I use to sometimes.
      Happy Friday to you too, Hunn!

  8. Brittany says:

    Oh to be young again. I miss the days of carefree playing.

  9. Such a beautifully written & inspiring post. I am so glad you decided to be so open and honest with us. I am so glad you decided to write this & share it with us. You are such a remarkable woman sweetie, and I will always wish the best for you. You deserve the world, the universe!!! Continue being YOU because w/ your attitude, you’ll go so far <3

  10. [...] Fit Swiss Chick~ When I Was Little [...]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

The Voice Behind

Lucie Pfaendler

Lucie Pfaendler

Welcome to my blog!!

My name is Lucie, I am a 35 years old Swiss girl, passionate about intense workouts, CROSSFIT, running, Yoga&Meditation, healthy food and well-being.

I am in recovery of a long lasted Eating Disorder too. With my blog, fitswisschick.com I try to spread my joy of life and my interests in a healthy and active lifestyle. I want to inspire anyone out there who struggles to recover and to believe in themselves. I hope you enjoy reading my news. Please feel free to comment, support, give your opinion or share anything you like! I can also be reached at lucie.pfaendler@gmx.ch.

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,215 other followers

Follow me on Pinterest

Follow me on Instagram!

#movehappy this morning was the 7am Crossfit class! Postworkout pic with my matching Crossfit Drinking bottle. #crossfitbasel #crossfit #morningworkout #deadlifts #wallballs #muscles #train #gohardorgohome #fitfluental #sweatpink #fitswisschick #switzerland

FitFluental Ambassador

FitFluental Ambassador

Fit Approach

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,215 other followers

%d bloggers like this: